


A Lofty Farewell

by Chassycat



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M, KaraMel, Missing Scene, Time Travel, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-06 17:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18392615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chassycat/pseuds/Chassycat
Summary: "Not every love story is simple, but in time, the truth always reveals itself..."Kara and Mon-El still had the "Battles Lost and Won" balcony goodbye scene, but that wasn't the last time they talked. Because Kara still had a couple questions she needed answered, so she asked Mon-El to come by the loft before he left to the future with Winn and the rest of the Legion.This is the part of their story we didn't see. This is the farewell (not ending) Kara and Mon-El deserved.(Canon compliant)





	1. A Lofty Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> I've never believed Kara and Mon-El would just walk away from each other, maybe forever, without a kiss (even a sweet forehead kiss) or a hug or a quick squeeze of the hand or, hell, even a high-five. This is the scene they forgot to show us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Alex are talking about all the events of the finale. But Kara was thinking about a lot more than she was saying, especially about a certain Daxamite. Because of COURSE she was thinking about Mon-El, too.

        Director Danvers. _Director_ Danvers.

        Kara hated change. Change _sucked_. Change made her stomach churn. Change made her _uncomfortable_.

        Change like James outing himself to the world as Guardian. Change like Winn leaving. Brainy _staying_. Mon-El... no. Not thinking about that. Nope nope nope.

        But Director Danvers. That she could get behind. Of course it meant J'onn wouldn't be at the DEO because he was off wandering the world doing Rao knows what. But other than that, and all that other stuff she wasn't thinking about at all, Director Danvers was great! Totally great. She would focus on Director Danvers.

        She exhaled slowly, trying to come up with some way to lighten the mood, to keep Alex from feeling… well, as sucky and uncomfortable as she was trying _not_ to feel. After all the turmoil and horror and pain caused by Reign and the other Worldkillers, they could use some light. "What about you? Director Danvers! You're just so brave."

        Alex snorted and rolled her eyes heavenward, like _Lord, give me strength with this one_ , and Kara mentally high-fived herself for successfully maneuvering around a potentially tearful situation.

        “Yeah, look at you. Okay?" Alex smiled wryly. “I mean, leaving your mom after you just found her…” She waved her hand for emphasis. “Coming back to Earth? I mean, that takes courage."

        "Mmm." Kara shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about how much it was killing her _not_  to run back to Argo, to her mother and her people. Or how much it was eating her up that she didn’t feel quite as guilty as she probably _should_ for not running back to Argo, her mother, her people. And she _really_ didn’t want to talk or even think about how much she wished she could have run away from all of it — Earth, Argo, the DEO, all of it — to a secret planet that a Durlan emissary once spoke of to a young Daxamite prince...

        No. Oh, Rao, she couldn’t break down. Now wasn’t the time for crying. Crying was for later. With lots of ice cream and old movies. _Casablanca_ , probably. That seemed appropriate.

        “I just realized that everything that makes me _me_ is here.” She looked over at Alex and could see she needed reassuring. She had that look on her face, the look Alex got when she wanted to comfort Kara but she also wanted to cry, which totally pissed her off, and that _also_ made her want to cry. Basically, there would be a whole lot of crying soon and neither of them wanted that.

        “This is my home. With you.” She smile at Alex reassuringly. “On this couch," she continued, patting the back of the couch lovingly. _If this couch could talk_ , she mused, and then realizing where her thoughts had drifted, _again_ , shook them away. “With this insanely huge pizza that we just downed,” she added cheerfully, but not too cheerfully because Alex would know.

        Truth be told she could probably eat another whole pie, but she knew Alex would competitive-eat, slice-for-slice, and she didn't need Alex's indigestion on her conscience.

        Alex eyed Kara shrewdly. "There's no pizza on Argo, huh?" she said, making her _Aaaw, poor baby_ face at Kara.

        "Nope," Kara responded quickly. She bit her lip, trying not to smile, but a small grin escaped anyway.

        Alex relaxed against the cushions and sighed dramatically. "That's a shame."

        Kara laughed and made a face at her. They sat quietly for a moment, comfortably silent.

        She felt Alex shift a little on the couch and looked over at her. Though not a body language expert like her sister, she could tell Alex had something important she was struggling to find the words to say, and Kara was just a little worried about the direction this conversation might go. But she held her breath (and her tongue) and waited for Alex’s words to catch up with whatever was going on in that head of hers.

        "You have no idea..." Alex began, twisting and untwisting a napkin she held, and Kara knew she was thinking about what Kara had given up, about _everything_ Kara had given up, by returning to Earth. "...how happy I am that you came back."

        Kara saw Alex’s hesitation, and her concern… and her dangerously sparkly eyes that spelled imminent tears, and Kara just could _not_ handle tears right now. Not now. Alex was such a badass when it came to protecting someone else, but when that someone else was her or Kara, it was always so much harder for her. And Kara knew that as glad as Alex was to have her back, she also felt guilty and selfish for being so relieved.

        Kara reached over and gave Alex's shoulder a loving and very _gentle_ squeeze. Alex was strong for a human, but Kara still sometimes forgot that even a squeeze could be too much, and Alex often had the bruises to show for it.

        Alex sighed and glanced at Kara, worry creasing her forehead. "Are we gonna be okay?"

         _Are we?_ Kara wondered. She looked at Alex's increasingly furrowed brow and sighed, too. Then she smiled in what she imagined was a totally convincing way at her sister.

        “Yeah. We're gonna be okay,” she responded, and hoped that her voice sounded a lot more confident than she actually felt.

        Alex grinned back at her, obviously relieved. _Chalk one up for the Krytonian_ , she thought. _Yay me. But w_ _e_ are _gonna be okay_ , she repeated to herself. _Everything will be one hundred percent okay_.

        A loud knock at the door broke the silence, making both women jump a little. Kara, embarrassed that her super hearing had failed to detect anyone coming down the building’s hallway, laughed a little as she put her hand over her heart and exhaled in an exaggerated _that totally startled me_ kind of way.

        “I know, right?” Alex responded, her own hand covering her heart. Then, “That must be him?”

        Kara looked towards the door, squinted. “Yep. That’s him,” she confirmed and tried to squelch the sudden fluttering happening in her stomach. _Maybe I shouldn’t have gone quite so hard with the pizza_ , she thought as she hauled herself off the couch. She turned and offered Alex her hand, and they both _oomphed_ as she pulled Alex quickly to her feet.

        Alex smiled. “I’ll just be going then,” she said, setting her plate of crumbs, discarded olives, and pizza crusts on the coffee table and grabbing the still half-full wine bottle. “But _this_ bad boy is coming with me.”

        “Fine, fine,” Kara nodded, laughing at Alex’s complaints as she half-pushed, half-pulled her towards the door.

        Just as they neared the door, there was another knock and Kara’s heart skipped a beat. Like, literally. That was a thing it did. Just skipped a beat.

        Alex halted and grabbed Kara’s arm. “You okay?” she asked quietly, fully aware the visitor could hear every word she said and fully _not_ caring, and her eyes searched Kara’s in that annoying _I’m a trained body language expert_ way she had.

        Kara nodded and tried to look totally calm and cool and collected and absolutely _not_ the opposite of calm and/or cool and collected.

        “I’m fine,” she said and smiled. “See? This is my _I’m fine_ smile.”

        “Hmph.” Alex chewed on her lip thoughtfully, then released Kara’s arm. Pulling her into a hug she said, “Call me later.” Kara noted it wasn’t actually a question.

        She tried to imagine a universe in which she would want to talk to anyone later, after… _this_. But she smiled and said _of course I will_ and _I love you_ because that’s what Alex needed to hear before she would just _get out of her house_ already.

        Kara opened the door so Alex could leave. As Alex stepped through the door and into the hallway, she offered a small, encouraging smile to the man standing there, tall and stoic, trying to look casual and not at all nervous and failing spectacularly at both.

        “Mon-El,” Alex greeted him, her voice quiet, all business.

        “Hey Alex,” Mon-El replied.

        As Alex moved to pass by him, she dropped any formality and reached out to squeeze his arm. He gave her a small, sweet, totally Mon-El kind of smile, quickly covered her hand with his, squeezed, then gave it a gentle pat and released her.

        Alex turned and gave Kara a final, encouraging smile, then walked away, leaving a boy from Daxam and a girl from Krypton standing awkwardly in the hallway of Kara’s apartment building, silently staring at each other.

        Mon-El seemed to come alive first. “Can I…?” He gestured towards her open doorway.

        “Oh my gosh, yes! Please! Come in!" Kara chuckled nervously, her stomach churning in a way that had her  _really_ wishing she hadn't eaten that last slice of pizza, and waved towards her loft almost frantically. "Of course…I mean, yeah...”

        She moved aside, letting Mon-El maneuver through the door and into the loft apartment she suddenly realized he hadn’t set foot in for nearly eight years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara has two very important questions for Mon-El. And he's not leaving her loft until he answers them! :)


	2. A Lofty Talk: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It turns out Kara and Mon-El had a lot more baggage to unpack than I had initially thought!
> 
> So this is Part I of Kara and Mon-El’s conversation at the loft that night at the end of 3x23, just after Alex greeted Mon-El in the hallway outside Kara's loft, waved goodbye to her sister, and left the building with her half-filled bottle of wine.

        After a minute of silently watching Mon-El wander around the apartment, taking everything in, his hands skimming lightly over tables, chairs, books, the back of the couch, her bookshelves, Kara decided this whole situation really could have been a lot worse. Yes, she had an overwhelming urge to cry and her stomach was most definitely not playing nice, and yes, it would’ve been nice if Mon-El didn't look quite so... at _home_ in her loft, but all things considered, she was still glad he was here.

        Mon-El stopped at the tall table in the kitchen area, placing a hand on the countertop and shoving the other deep into the pocket of his Legion sweatpants, as he continued scanning the loft. Kara’s eyes were drawn to his hand when he began running his fingers lightly back and forth on the countertop, which was really so very Mon-El. A memory of the way he used to unconsciously run his long, beautiful fingers along any smooth surface his hand lighted on-- tables, books, phone screens, pillows, backs, bare skin.. _._

        Kara closed the door with a little more force than she had intended and flinched as it slammed against the frame. Mon-El jumped, startled by the unexpected and overloud bang. He whipped around to face Kara, his hands thrown out defensively, his brows nearly reaching his hairline.

       Trying not look as dumb as she felt, she huffed and grumbled, "Pfft. Stupid hinge." She walked briskly to where Mon-El stood, still frozen in a defensive pose. "Been meaning to get that fixed," she added in what she hoped was a smooth manner, waving vaguely in the direction of the door. She stole a glance to see if Mon-El was buying what she was selling, but his face was strangely unreadable at the moment. He _was_ visibly more relaxed, though, and his heart had stopped racing, not that she was paying particular attention to his heartbeat or anything. It was merely an observation.

       "So? Is it the same as you remembered?" she asked, gently nudging his shoulder with her own, then almost immediately wanted to smack herself in the head. _Bringing up the past? Way to be insensitive, Zor-El._

        But Mon-El only smiled softly. "It's still so... you know, bright _."_ He gestured vaguely towards the middle of the room, then placed one hand on the countertop again and returned the other to his pocket.

         _Bright?_  Kara looked around the lamplit room, noting the way the blackened sky outside seemed to creep into the loft, dimming the lamps and lengthening their shadows. _Sure, it’s_ _bright and cheerful in the daytime when light practically pours into every corner, thanks to my amazing floor-to-ceiling windows,_ she thought, _but the only light coming in through the windows at the moment is from the streetlights outside. And it isn't like the chandelier and lamps inside are all that bright--_

        Possibly sensing her confusion, Mon-El rushed to clarify, "No, I mean-- well, we don't have a whole lot of stuff available to decorate our living areas with in the 31st century." He shrugged slightly and rocked back a little on his heels. "I... I'd forgotten how colorful and-- and how welcoming a home could be." He smiled a tight smile, a smile that gave Kara the feeling Mon-El meant what he said, but also that something else, something larger and much darker, lay beneath. Puzzled, she wondered what that _something else_ could be.

        After a moment, she realized that Mon-El was lightly drumming his fingers on the countertop and regarding her in silence. It suddenly occurred to her that it was quite possibly _her_ turn to speak, but Mon-El beat her to it by unexpectedly clapping and then rubbing his clasped hands together in a very businesslike way.

       "Anyway," he said briskly, fixing his gaze on Kara, "the message I received said you needed to talk to me about something?"

        Her mouth went dry as bone at his curious, expectant look. Sure, earlier in the day she'd _wanted_ this meeting, even thought it was super important they have a conversation, but now the idea of them talking about anything serious-- like, face-to-face, in her loft, at night, all alone-- well, she was starting to think that being forced to listen to Winn lecture her -- again-- on auteur theory and the Hitchcock effect would be preferable.

         _Pull it together. You got this._ But she wasn't completely sure she _did_. Because ever since Argo it had become increasingly difficult for Kara to prevent memories from their former life together from popping unbidden into her head at the worst possible moments. And since the memories flashing through her mind were most often of their more... _intimate_ times together, it was-- well, it was extremely disconcerting, to say the least.

        Kara exhaled slowly, pushing those thoughts far,  _far_ away. "Yes," she said, propping one hand on her hip and wagging a finger at him, as if to say _fair point_ , with the other one. "Questions." She hesitated, then through sheer force of will smiled at him, doing her level best to appear more confident than she felt. "I do actually have two questions I wanted to ask you before you, you know," she used her hand and a _whoosh_ sound-effect to mimic a Legion cruiser flying off into space.

        "Right." Mon-El stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "Well, I will try my best to answer them for you," he replied calmly. He flashed her a little half-smile and cocked his head. "Unless they're about quantum physics or differential calculus, in which case, Brainy is your guy."

        Kara sighed. He was joking. This was him making a joke, because of _course_ he would joke around at a time like this. Classic Mon-El. Seven years spent superheroing in a dystopian future and he still tried to cover his discomfort with humor. Well, actually, okay, that made sense. Obviously a sense of humor would come in handy when stranded in a dystopian future, away from friends and family, fighting for justice across the galaxies.

       Mon-El grimaced. "Sorry, I did that thing again, with the humor..." He laughed at Kara's _ya think?_ expression, then gestured towards the couch. "Can we, uh, sit?"

        "Um..." He wanted to sit? On the _couch?_ Which, obviously was totally fine and not a big deal at all because that is exactly what couches were for. Sitting. "Yeah, sure, of course," she continued, nodding in the direction of the couch, hoping he didn't notice how her voice was suddenly breathier than normal.

        It took them a few moments to get settled. There was one awkward moment when Mon-El grabbed her red throw from the back of the couch and, with a flourish, shook it out and draped it carefully over his legs, making sure there was plenty of blanket left for Kara. It was something familiar, something _intimate_ , something he'd done a million times, but that was-- well, that was _before_. And right away Kara’s mind had begun reminding her of how they used to cuddle on the couch, sharing ice cream and binge-watching all the shows Kara thought were vitally important for Mon-El to see, and how much she'd reveled in that closeness, plus everything that came _after_ , when the shows were over--  _Nope. Not going there._

        Kara had risked a glance at Mon-El and saw the exact moment it hit him, the significance of what he'd done with the blanket. He froze, all the blood draining from his face and his eyes widening almost comically.

        The impulse to giggle was strong, but she’d fought it hard because Mon-El was clearly mortified, if his openmouthed stare was any indication.

        Wordlessly, and with an overly-solemn expression, she'd taken the other end of the blanket and draped it more fully over her own legs, tucking the edges under her thighs. Then she’d lightly patted her lap and said briskly to no one in particular, "There we are."

        Mon-El, who’d been watching her antics with the blanket through increasingly narrowed eyes, chuckled and grinned good-naturedly, as his brow cleared and the color rushed back to his cheeks. "You're mocking me, aren't you?" he said, as a smile played around his mouth, and a traitorous part of Kara was fiercely happy she could still read him. When he'd first returned, all she could see was how different he was, but gradually she realized he was still the same annoying, lovable, frustrating, heroic Daxamite, just... seasoned. And lately, as far as she was concerned, just a little bit too sad.

        And now, here they sat for an uncomfortably long moment, strained smiles stretching across each of their faces, and Kara was sure it was obvious that neither one of them knew where-- or how-- to begin.

       Again, Mon-El was first to break the silence, leaving Kara batting zero for two. "Hey, actually, you know what? I'm glad you called me over because I had something I wanted to talk to you about, too."

       Kara suddenly had a panicky feeling in her belly, the kind she always got whenever she was around Mon-El and he mentioned wanting "to talk." What could he possibly want to talk to her about? Nothing good, she knew that much. It was rarely, if ever, anything _good_. Then again, a distraction wouldn't be the worst thing ever _._  Her mind was embarrassingly awhirl and a few more minutes to gather her thoughts couldn't hurt. Plus, she was possibly a little curious about what _he_ wanted to talk to her about. Perhaps.

        "Oh, okay, sure," she answered, straightening up and clasping her hands tightly in her lap. She adopted a formal air. "Please continue," she invited him, with exaggerated politeness and a prim little nod of the head. 

         Playing along, he inclined his head in a very princely manner, and replied, "Why, thank you, m'lady," his teasing voice sliding into that slightly deeper register that never failed to set Kara's heart-- and other deep, hidden parts of her-- all aflutter. 

         So she was extremely thankful when Mon-El turned his head to stare, unseeing, through one of the far windows, and missed the flush Kara could actually _feel_ stealing across her cheeks and forehead.

         Mon-El, his tone more seriously now, said, "So, I wanted to explain to you one of the reasons I gave you my Legion ring." He paused, then pulled his gaze away from the window to glance at Kara's hands, which she was still clasping tightly in her lap. He frowned.

          _He's frowning. Why is he frowning?_

         Kara tilted her head inquiringly at him. "What?" she asked, wondering what she could have done to upset him.

         "Do you have it on you?" he asked, pointedly looking at her hands that were clearly Legion-ring free, then glancing up at her with what seemed like a somewhat concerned expression, which she found a little insulting, frankly. What? Did he think she lost it sometime between leaving the DEO balcony and arriving home? I mean, she had pockets, for Rao's sake.

        "Um, of course I do," she answered with the teensiest bit of attitude because honestly. She reached into her pocket, wrapped her fingers tightly around the ring, and slowly pulled it out.

          _Wait. He isn’t going to ask for it back, is he?_ Kara fought a moment of rising panic. Because she was pretty sure there was a rule somewhere that once you tossed a person your Legion ring, and told said person it was high time she had a Legion ring of her own-- well then said person should be able to keep that Legion ring for as long a time as she so desired, up to and including forever. There was definitely a rule. She was pretty sure even Daxamites knew the rule--

        "Kara?"

        With a sigh, she slowly unclenched her fingers and opened her hand so he could see the ring resting on her palm.

        A look of immense relief crossed Mon-El's face. "Good, good, keeping the ring close at all times is the best idea." Ignoring her derisive snort, he cracked his knuckles, then gestured towards the ring. "Okay, so I had Brainy modify the functions of the ring so it would be specific to you and ready to psychically interface with your brainwaves."

        Kara didn’t actually freeze at Mon-El’s words, but there _was_ a definite stiffening that caused nearly all the motion in her body to cease. "He did what now?" Her eyes narrowed as she looked from the ring, to Mon-El, to the ring again. 

        He caught her expression and laughed. "No, hey, it's not as creepy as it sounds. He modifies the functions of _all_ the Legion flight rings so they're specific to each Legionnaire. And since our rings operate by mental command, he had to wipe this ring's circuitry because it applied specifically to me. Now it's ready for your customization."

        "Oh. That's... cool."

        "Mhmm," Mon-El agreed, nodding. "I was going to have Brainy explain it to you later, but since I'm here..." He pointed to the ring and cast an inquiring gaze at Kara. "May I?"

        She must have had a look because he chuckled a little and said, "I'll give it back, I promise." On her quick nod, he plucked it from her palm and held it so the Legion's crest was facing upwards.

        "Okay, now watch carefully. If you rotate the L symbol like _this_ \--" he flicked his fingers in a quick pattern over the ring and a beam of light shot out of it, like Mon-El had just flipped on a flashlight and was shining it at the ceiling. "-- then voila!"

         His smile flashed in the bright light emanating from the ring, and he was looking at her with such boyish excitement that it set her heart thudding like a bass drum in her ears.

         _Oh, there you are, Mon-El._ She'd missed that guy.

        "The ring used to send out a distress signal," he went on, the excitement in his voice building, "but I had Brainy modify it into a relay device."

        "A relay device," Kara repeated, aiming a questioning look at the excited Daxamite.

        He just bobbed his head up and down vigorously.

        It took a moment for Kara to fully process what he was saying. A memory surfaced of contacting the DEO from Argo after Selena and the witches stole J'onn's spaceship, and it hit her.

        "Wait, you mean like Kryptonian cache crystals? Like we used to contact Winn from my father's lab on Argo?"

        "Well, sort of. Basically, Brainy reconfigured it to be--" he paused, brows raised, and leaned towards Kara. She leaned in, too, holding her breath. It was like his excitement was literally reeling her in. Which was, she thought, uncool. Also, annoying.

       "What?" she asked breathlessly, smacking at Mon-El's shoulder. "Mon-El, what did he reconfigure it to be?"

        Mon-El chuckled and leaned closer, visibly struggling to regain his composure. "He reconfigured it to be--" his deep voice was suddenly low and conspiratorial, "-- a transdimensional phone line."

        He straightened up, his expression now a weird hybrid of eager and smug, but Kara barely noticed.

        She blinked at him. Once. Twice. "A phone line," she said, rather blankly.

        "A _transdimensional_ phone line," Mon-El repeated, his eyes shining with barely-restrained excitement.

        She looked at him dubiously. "So what you're saying," she said slowly, as his meaning became more clear and she was beginning to fit all the pieces together, "is that it's basically a... what? Like, a holographic Kryptonian cache-crystal burner phone?"

        "Basically." Mon-El grinned. "That's an apt description. It's good for more than just one use, so there's that. And when you activate it and I pick up the call, Brainy configured it so I'll actually see a holographic projection of you!" He checked himself, cleared his throat. "Obviously," he continued, more calmly, "you will see a holographic projection of yours truly." He pointed to himself with both thumbs. "Yep, this guy. Sorry about that," he added, with a quick wink.

        Kara's answering smile was involuntary, as she was still stuck on the idea of Brainy programming a holographic projection of her. It wasn't exactly a comfortable thought.  _I mean, w_ _ho knows what kind of bizarre outfit Brainy programmed for me-- oh._ She mentally clapped her hand to her forehead. _I'll be in my super suit. No question_. Brainy was slightly obsessed with it. He was especially intrigued with all the hidden pockets, so she was constantly smacking his hands away as he would try to point out places on her suit where he guessed a pocket _could_ be.

        Mon-El was watching her, his expression fading from animated to slightly anxious. "I, uh-- I wanted to be able to keep in touch, you know--" he waved his free hand in her direction, "--with you. Sure, we're going to be in different centuries and all, but that doesn't mean we can't keep tabs on each other, maybe share some superheroing tips...?" Trailing off, he reach up a hand and scratched his lip. "I mean, if you happen to be interested in doing that at all," he added.

        Kara's lips twitched at his suddenly stiff and polite tone. She heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Sure, I guess I'd be okay with that," she replied offhandedly.

        Mon-El released the breath he'd been holding, bobbed his head a few times, and flashed one of those shy Mon-El smiles at her, making her grin back at him automatically. Then Kara realized something important that she could _not_ believe she had overlooked until now.

        "Wait a sec!" she exclaimed, frowning thoughtfully. She sat up straighter. "How will that even work?" she inquired, looking pointedly at Mon-El's bare ring finger.

        Mon-El looked at his hand, then back at Kara, his expression blank. He tapped a finger against his lip thoughtfully. "Oh, did I forget to mention that Brainy is already working on a new Legion ring for me?" he asked, the very picture of innocence.

        Kara shook her head, threw out her hands like she wanted to strangle him, and cast him her best _Uh, DUH?_ look. 

        "I probably should have led with that," Mon-El replied, his tone a bit sheepish. "Sorry." But his cheerful voice and and teasing smile contradicted the apology.

        Kara rolled her eyes, laughing in spite of herself. There was the Mon-El she remembered. She hated that he had to leave, just when she finally felt like he-- _her_ Mon-El-- was really back. Her gaze flitted back to the ring, still casting its beam of light upwards. Kryptonian technology was far superior to Earth's, of course, but this 31st century tech was beyond anything she had ever seen, even back on Krypton. It genuinely amazed her, all the things this tiny piece of tech could actually do.

        "Cool," she said, drawing out the word slowly, then looked up quickly at Mon-El when she heard him chuckle. "What?" she asked, her smile widening involuntarily for no discernible reason. "It  _is_ cool."

        "Yes," Mon-El replied without hesitation, his eyes crinkling at the edges. "The 31st century is _cool_." He delivered the statement in a tone that was suspiciously familiar.

        Kara rolled her eyes at him. She knew he was making fun of the way she gushed about the 31st century technology back when he had shown her the footage Brainy had compiled to recreate her fight with Reign, but her heart still clenched painfully at the way Mon-El always seemed to remember even the most inane things she said to him. Yes. She'd _definitely_ missed that guy.

        _Now is not the time,_ she scolded herself. _Sadness is for later_.

       Mon-El flicked his fingers over the L symbol again, the opposite way this time, and the light shut off. He held the ring out to Kara and she took it back gratefully. A sudden fierce sense of possessiveness swept over her, triggering another memory.

        It was when Mon-El had tricked Winn-- again-- into breaking him out of the DEO all those months ago. It hadn’t taken much to figure out where they’d gone. She’d quickly found them on the Legion ship, and was determined to drag Mon-El and his stupid, newly-bearded face back to his cell. She had been so hurt and so _furious_ \-- at him, at herself for caring about him with her tragically  _human_ heart. She remember snapping at him-- _Get out of my way!_ \-- and how good it felt to grab him by the shirt and _shove_ , so she could get to the equipment he had stolen when he snuck out of the medbay, broke into a secure storage room, and knocked out two DEO agents. But they had struggled, and that's when she saw it. Her mother's necklace around Mon-El's neck. She realized he'd been wearing it the whole time, tucked safely away under his shirt, and with the way he'd been acting up to this point, it just hadn't made  _sense_ , not then. Mon-El's anguished expression was burned in her memory-- full of pain, frustration,  _fear_ \-- as was the ache she felt when he pulled the necklace away from her and angrily shoved it back under his shirt. Out of sight. Now, suddenly, she  _understood_. Because no way was anyone taking Mon-El's Legion ring from her. No one. Not even Mon-El. Because it was all she had left of him. And weirdly, this comforted her.

        Plus, not only was it a Legion tool _and_  stylish fashion accessory, apparently it was her very own transdimensional phone.

        Kara still had a million questions about this whole transdimensional communications business, but there was one small detail that really stood out. "Okay, so wait," Kara said, tucking her hair behind her ears as she turned the ring round and round in her fingers, examining the engravings and grooves and other intricate details more closely. "How will I know what time period I'm contacting? I mean, how do I know if I'm talking to the _you_  who knows it's _me_ transdimensionally calling you?" She tore her glance from his ring-- no,  _her_ ring-- and looked at Mon-El, eyebrows raised inquiringly. 

        Mon-El cast her an approving smile. "A  _very_ good question. Brainy figured out a way to configure the rings so they would sync together and, for all intents and purposes, actually _link_ our timelines together. And Brainy has assured me, more than once, actually, that from this moment on, time will pass at the same rate for us.” He grinned. “Except he used several more scientific words to explain the concept and included a lot more snarky comments about my intellect, or lack thereof."

        Kara frowned, twirling a piece of hair between her fingertips as she tried to make sense of the wibbly wobbly timey wimey-ness of it all. "Okay, but what does that mean, exactly?"

        Mon-El scratched at his chin and bit his lower lip. "Well, say tonight I leave for the future, and three days go by. You're just hanging out here at the loft, resting up after a busy day of superheroing, and you think to yourself, _Hey, why don't I call my Legionnaire friend Mon-El_ \-- not that I'm insinuating you can only go three days without wanting to talk to me--"

        "Mon-El," Kara interrupted, recognizing a ramble coming on. "Focus."

        Mon-El sighed. "Yes. Right. Thank you. So, three days from today, if you decide to use your handy-dandy Legion ring to contact me, only three days will have gone by for me, too." He looked into her eyes, then looked away quickly. "Yep. Seventy-two hours," he continued, taking a deep breath and reaching up to rub his neck, still avoiding Kara's eyes. "From this point on--" he coughed and cleared his throat "-- we will be-- we _are_ \-- connected." He gave a nervous laugh. "Chronologically-speaking, obviously."

        "Obviously," she agreed, rolling her eyes while desperately hoping it masked the way her heart jumped when Mon-El said "connected."

        Mon-El nodded his head and continued. "Bottom line? Because of that connection, you will always contact the _me_ who knows it's _you_ transdimensionally calling." He ducked his head almost shyly and looked up at her through his lashes in that annoyingly endearing way he had, adding softly, "That way we'll never have to worry about losing seven years of our friendship, ever again.” And his gaze was so steady and his voice so earnest that she knew he meant it. Like, he  _meant it_ meant it. He meant it _so_ hard.

        And just like that, Kara's mind reminded her of how Mon-El had told her in the garden on Argo that he had been trying to convince himself friendship was the best thing for them, but realized he had been lying to himself. And for just one moment, one beautiful moment, a weight that had been pressing on her for nearly a year had been lifted, and Mon-El was giving her _that_ look and she was finally, _finally_ touching him, actually caressing his cheek, moving closer and closer-- until that damn robot had tried to kill them, and everything came crashing back down around her, heavier than ever. And now her heart just _ached_  when he was around and she knew she had to get over that. And quickly, if she knew what was good for her. It was all just _so_  exhausting.

        But still...

         _Friendship_.

        "I'd like that," she said softly, her gaze matching his in intensity and sincerity. There were worse things than friendship, after all. Like endings. Endings were far, _far_ worse.

        For a moment-- a fleeting moment-- Mon-El looked desperately sad. Then he flashed her one of those self-deprecating smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and Kara suspected there was a lot more he wanted to say than he was letting on. But all he said was, "Oh, hey, I almost forgot the best part. Brainy was worried about people seeing you with a Legion flight ring in this timeline, so he added a special modification." He paused and folded his arms, brows raised.

        "And?" Kara asked immediately, interest piqued. And she waited. And waited some more. Finally she huffed in exasperation. "Mon-El!" she laughed and smacked his arm, then motioned for him to go on. "And?!"

        Mon-El laughed as he vigorously rubbed at the spot where Kara hit him. " _Aaaand_..." he drawled, "when you're wearing it?" He lowered his voice and put his hand to the side of his mouth like he was sharing a deep, dark, delicious secret. "You can make it turn invisible."

        Then he linked his hands together behind his head, leaned back, and cocked an eyebrow at Kara, his expression clearly asking,  _How do you like them apples?_

        Kara looked at the ring wonderingly. Invisible, huh? That could be fun. And it would eliminate any need to answer the inevitable awkward questions, like why she had the ring, who gave her the ring, _why_  he gave her the ring, _how_ he gave her the ring...

        "That's incredible," she said softly, and meant it. She was genuinely impressed. She quickly slipped the ring back into her pocket and smiled widely at Mon-El. "Thank you, Mon-El," she said sincerely. She smoothed the blanket more snuggly around her legs, and realized that for the first time in a long time she felt completely at peace. And it felt _wonderful_.

        He shrugged. "You earned it," he said simply.

        There was a moment of comfortable silence, interrupted only by the rumbling cacophony of nighttime traffic sounds they could hear rising up from the National City streets below.

        Mon-El finally released a slow, shaky breath. "So that's _my_ news," he said, laughing a little as he raised a hand to scratch at his ear. "Sorry I commandeered the conversation like that." He cocked his head to the side. "You said you have two questions for me?"

        Kara's stomach flipped, and she felt the peace she'd been enjoying shatter into a million pieces and blow away, like puffs of dandelion seeds dancing on the wind.

         _Well, that didn't last long,_ Kara thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aren’t cliffhangers the WORST?! 
> 
> What’s coming next? Here’s what you need to know...
> 
> Kara is determined to find out 2 things. One has to do with Brainy and Imra’s deception about their true mission, and the other has to do with a moment that happened between her and Mon-El while they were on Argo. 
> 
> Dun dun duuuuuuun...


	3. A Lofty Talk: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is Part II of Kara and Mon-El’s conversation at the loft that night at the end of 3x23, before went back to the future with Winn and the Legion. Mon-El has just finished explaining the super cool transdimensional communication function on Kara's new Legion Flight Ring. Because why not?
> 
> (Yeah, so it turns out Kara and Mon-El had a lot more baggage to unpack than I had initially thought!)

         "Kara, you're stalling."

         Well, Mon-El wasn't wrong. She _was_ stalling.

         Truth be told, after offering Mon-El every sort of refreshment-- including a club soda, for old times' sake-- Kara had spent the better part of five minutes in a mostly one-sided conversation about whether the Legion spacecraft would technically be categorized as a ship or a cruiser (she was leaning towards cruiser), before Mon-El, who'd been looking both amused and increasingly confused as she rambled on, had finally cut her short. 

         In her defense, Mon-El was the one who had to go and ruin their moment of comfortable silence, just shatter a rare moment of peace by reminding Kara that she had invited him over for a reason. This day had gone from bad to worse, and from there to _worse_ than worse. With all the battles and all the goodbyes, with M'rynn's passing, and with J'onn leaving the DEO in Alex's care, Kara figured she had earned a few rare moments of peace, all snug and cozy in her loft, with her... friend for more than two whole minutes, thank you very much. 

         And okay, yes, technically she had invited Mon-El over to ask him about two specific issues that had been weighing on her for months, and yes, technically she hadn't actually done so as of yet, but she was still trying to wrap her mind around the whole Legion-flight-ring-as-a-transdimensional-communications-device thing, so it wasn't exactly the ideal scenario she'd had in mind for this little heart-to-heart.

         "I know what you're doing," Mon-El continued, folding his arms across his chest, his tone accusatory. "And it rhymes with stalling."

         Kara sighed dramatically and slapped her leg in mock frustration. "But I was _just_ about to list the relative effectiveness of ion beams versus laser cannons..."

         "Gods, no! Please don't!" Mon-El groaned, clasping his hands together like he was praying. "I am _begging_ you..."

         Kara chuckled. "Oh, and that's not how you do the 'rhymes with'--" She paused, glancing at the smiling Daxamite. "You know what?" She waved her hand dismissively. "Never mind."

         "Okay," he said in a voice that made it very clear he had no idea what that meant. But he shrugged good-naturedly. He looked down at his hands, now clasped loosely on his lap. When he lifted his gaze again, his eyes were still twinkling but his tone was serious. "You said you asked me over here because you have two questions for me," he reminded her, tilting his head in that annoying outer space stray puppy way he had.

         For a second or two, Kara just stared at him. With all the craziness and distractions she'd somehow forgotten how irritating it was that Mon-El could always fluster her when she was trying to be calm and serious. Sometimes he cracked jokes, sometimes he tried to interrupt her before she could say something he didn't want to hear, and sometimes he sat quietly and just... listened. Tonight he was doing that last one, and his patient expression irked Kara. Yes, she was irked. How was Mon-El so calm all the time? How did he do that? Frankly, she and her frazzled nerves resented it.

          _Stop stalling._

         Kara hesitated. She had questions, but how exactly was she supposed to bring up something like this with someone who was both her ex-boyfriend and someone she still desperately wanted in her life-- even though she knew he had to leave because the future needed him and that was of course more important than her own selfish wishes. She figured she could just sort of ease into it--

         "Why didn't you want to come back to this time?" she heard herself half-shouting almost before she knew it. 

         -- or there was always the direct approach. 

         Mon-El's mouth dropped open and his eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline. "Wha... _What_...?" he finally responded, slightly stammering over the word as he shook his head from side to side.

         This was not the way Kara had envisioned this conversation playing out, but she knew if she wanted to do this face-to-face (not hologram to hologram), all she had was now. Heart pounding, Kara folded her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes at Mon-El. " _You_ said Imra and Brainy hid the real mission from you," she bit out, then inhaled sharply, struggling to regain at least some of earlier her composure. " _You_ said it was because they didn't trust _you'd_ want to come back to this time," she continued, stabbing her finger at him with each "you." 

         She cringed inwardly at her accusatory tone, but she-- the Girl of Steel, the Maiden of Might-- found she was powerless to stop this sudden, brutal eruption of pent-up anger and hurt suddenly flooding through her.

         Kara realized a truth in that moment. She was angry. Oh, it was buried deep, but it was there. She was angry at Mon-El for being back in her life. For being the man, the superhero, she always knew he could be. For being _married_. For making her suffer through losing him all over again. And now, after Argo, after everything they'd been through over the past several months, for leaving her. Again.

         She'd fooled herself into believing she'd worked past the anger during M’yrnn’s psychic whammy at the DEO several weeks ago, but now she knew Mon-El wasn't the only one who'd been lying to himself. Because of course she hadn't actually been angry about all the things Mon-El did in the past, things that happened before they were together, when he was brand new to Earth, things she’d long since forgiven him for. But they were training, and Mon-El had worn his caped super suit for the first time, and the sight of him rocking that form-fitting suit with its sweeping blue cape and its red-and-blue color-scheme that was an inversion of her own literally took her breath away. And he was so charming, so... so infuriatingly _friendly_ and encouraging, and all she knew was she wanted to _hurt_ him. And, well, mission accomplished. But clearly she hadn’t ever let go of _why_ she wanted to hurt him. She hadn't touched on the real anger buried so deep she had fooled herself into thinking it was gone.

          _Well, hello darkness, my old friend._

         Mon-El was still staring at her, eyes wide and pain-filled, his mouth open like he wanted to say something but had no idea what he _could_ say. Then he folded his arms, his chin dropping as he tilted his head and looked away. "Kara, I--"

         "How could you not want to see me again?" she demanded, scowling and willing her chin to stop doing that wobbly thing it did when she was trying not to cry.

         "Kara--"

         "How could you--" her voice cracked a little, "-- how could just _forget_ about me?" Kara pressed fiercely, hugging her folded arms more tightly around her body, as if to keep herself from flying away... which was literally a possibility at this point.

         Mon-El lifted his head to look at Kara again. "What?" he said a little more sharply than before, his brows raised so high and his eyes so wide it could have been comical if the moment wasn't so... well, the exact opposite of comical.

         But Kara didn't care that Mon-El looked utterly stunned and genuinely offended. He was the one who told her he loved her, then ran off and married the first beautiful Saturnian he came across. He was the one who moved on, while she was stuck here, her guilt and loneliness tearing her up inside. 

         So she simply stared back, chin high, challenging him to contradict her.

         Mon-El held her gaze steadily for a moment, his eyes uncharacteristically enigmatic, his lips compressed into one hard, straight line. Then he looked away. Kara saw his jaw clenching, but nothing else about him moved. He swallowed hard and returned his gaze to hers. 

         "Kara, no." His voice was low, but firm.

         Kara felt her surge of sudden anger slowly melting away. That was new. She'd noticed a lot of little and some big changes in Mon-El since he returned from the future, but this? This no-nonsense, Legion leader thing he had going on? This was most definitely new. _Also, kind of hot,_ Kara thought, before mentally slapping herself for being that girl, the one who swoons at the big, strong macho man, like she was some damsel in distress in need of rescue. _Even if that macho man is smart and kind and gorgeous and so, so funny-- and annoying_ , she added, but that was all obviously beside the point.

         Dropping her chin slightly, she looked at him through narrowed eyes. "No?"

         "No," Mon-El repeated firmly, slashing his hands through the air in an x-ing motion. He leaned back, shaking his head. "Kara, I told you I tried to get back here. And I remember Imra telling me she specifically mentioned that to you-- that time you two talked, you know, right after you found us?"

         Kara stifled an incredulous laugh. "Yeah, she told me that you used to love me and then you moved on."

         Mon-El's eyebrows shot up. " _That_ was your takeaway from the conversation?" he asked, putting his fingers to his temples. "That explains so much," he muttered, half to himself. Then, dropping his hands, he continued, "Imra told me what she said, Kara, and--"

         "And Imra always tells the truth, right?" The instant she said it, she wished she could take it back. She didn't want to be that girl. The bitter ex. So why couldn't she just stop saying things that made her sound that way?

         Mon-El fell silent for a few seconds. "That's fair," he said finally. He looked calm, but a tiny crease had appeared in his forehead. "But from what Imra told me-- and I don't see any reason for her to lie because she knew I wouldn't be thrilled with her for talking to you about us-- she did mention to you that I had some trouble--" he swallowed hard, shook his head, "-- letting go." The crease in his forehead deepened as he spoke. "Of you," he clarified, waving at his hand her way. "I didn't just 'move on,'" he said, making air quotes for that last bit. "I tried for years to find a way to contact you, to get back to you. You have to believe that."

         Kara looked away as she shifted and brought her blanketed knees to her chest, hugging them tightly. _Do I?_  she scoffed inwardly, brows lifting. Because it seemed to her that time travel wasn't all that big a thing. I mean, she had literally _just_ done it herself using Mon-El's-- no, _her_ \-- Legion ring without any trouble at all. Not that anyone remembered  _or_  even knew that she'd done it. But still, if _she_ could figure it out...

         "Kara?"

         Kara scrunched up her nose and cocked her head to the side, suddenly very interested in picking at a bit of lint she found stuck to the red blanket. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Mon-El ducking his head this way and that, clearly trying to catch her eye. But, hey, that lint wasn't going to unstick itself...

         She felt the couch dip and next thing she knew, Mon-El's large, warm hand was covering hers, squeezing it firmly. Probably, Kara figured, to prevent her from picking a hole straight through what he knew to be her favorite throw blanket. _Classic Mon-El_ , Kara thought, as she struggled to ignore the warm flush stealing across her cheeks, but she was losing the battle because, dear Rao, for the first time in so long, she actually  _felt_  something.

         Literally.

         After Kara crash-landed on Earth, she'd quickly learned that even the lightest, most careless flick of her finger could inflict major damage. She'd had to teach herself how to touch humans-- how to safely shake hands, and hug, and kiss, and all other kinds of touching. And it wasn't like she couldn't feel anything when humans touched _her_. She could feel pressure, so she knew it was happening, but it was a faraway feeling, like the feeling of someone poking at your foot when it's asleep.

         And then Mon-El came along and for the first time since coming to Earth, Kara could let go. She could spar at full tilt with Mon-El, and he wouldn't break. She could smack his shoulder when he said something stupid, and he wouldn't fly across the room. She could even clutch at his arm when his jokes made her double-over with laughter, and he wouldn't wince or cry out in pain. And then, when they were together, Mon-El had taught Kara lots of  _other_  new and lovely ways to let go. But what she missed most of all were those late nights cuddling on the couch, when she would lie back against Mon-El's chest and he'd have one arm wrapped around her waist, his free hand lazily tracing patterns over her thighs...

         But feeling Mon-El's warm hand clasping hers? Well that was nice, too. Still, she studiously avoided looking in Mon-El’s direction as he continued speaking.

         "Like I told you that night on the balcony at the DEO," Mon-El said, giving her hand the lightest squeeze. "I could never forget you, Kara. I _would_ never forget you. Not ever." He brought his free hand up to scratch along the side of his jaw. "That's _why_ they thought they needed to hide the mission from me."

         There was a pause. Then, "Oh," Kara said, her voice low. She wasn't sure where he was going with this, but she had a feeling, and she _really_ wasn't sure if she was ready to hear it.

         "Yeah, 'oh,'" Mon-El repeated. "Apparently, Brainy ran some calculations--"

         "Of _course_ he did."

         Mon-El held up his hands and rolled his eyes as if to say _don't even get me started_. "He and Imra found the results-- in Brainy's word-- 'troubling' and determined that my feelings for you might endanger the mission." He looked her square in the eye and Kara was surprised to see an unfamiliar dark expression cross his face. "Oh, hey Mon-El, by the way," he continued, mimicking Imra in a surprisingly dead-on impersonation, "we actually _do_ know how to time travel and we want to travel back to your original timeline. Only a few months will have passed since you last saw Supergirl-- that won't be a problem for you, will it?"

         "Oh," Kara repeated. A hazy memory was forming of Mon-El's shocked and anguished expression when he saw her on the Legion cruiser for the first time-- the way his gun slipped from his grasp, the way he said her name as if it were both an impossibility and a relief, the way he shook when she cradled his face, and the way his whole body trembled when she embraced him-- and the haze began to clear a little, as more and more pieces fell into place.

         "Right," Mon-El agreed. He sighed as he closed his eyes and lowered his head. "Right before I came back to help you with Reign, Imra admitted to me she always knew she was risking our marriage by bringing me back here. To this time." He opened his eyes and without lifting his head, looked up at Kara through his dark lashes. "To you."

         "But you moved on," she said, ignoring the way her heart fluttered in response to that look. She felt like she was still missing the last few pieces of a puzzle that would finally bring everything into focus. She felt a heaviness washing over her. "You fell in love with Imra, got married..." she said, slowly slipping her hand out from under his.

         Mon-El sighed and fell back against the armrest. He studied Kara for a few moments, tapping one finger to his pursed lips.

         "There's a lot I haven't told you about my relationship with Imra," he finally said, dropping his hand to his lap and clasping the other. "We didn't fall in love and get married. There were... circumstances." Noting the way Kara stiffened at the word _circumstances_ , Mon-El rolled his eyes and said quickly, "I swear to Rao, Kara, if you ask me if I knocked her up--"

         Kara halted, her mouth open. _How did he_ do _that?_ she wondered, snapping her mouth shut. She folded her arms and cocked her head, brows going all squiggly. "Pfft! That's not-- I wasn't going to," she scoffed, shaking her head a few times.

         Mon-El had curled his fingers lightly over his lips, but it wasn't enough to hide the small smile dancing around his mouth. Lips twitching, Mon-El pointed to Kara's forehead. "Crinkle." 

         Kara clapped her hand over her eyes and forehead.  _Damn that crinkle!_

         Mon-El chuckled softly, then sobered. "Anyway--" he was saying, as she dropped her hand back to her lap, "--let's just say it's complicated."

         Kara fidgeted, toying with the fringes on the edge of the blanket. She could sense his struggle, but honestly, had no idea what it was she wanted him to say next. Because complicated _how_ , exactly?

         "It's also over," Mon-El added, his voice low and firm. Decisive. "At least the marriage part is." He paused. "I thought, after Argo, you knew that."

          _Oh,_ that _kind of complicated._

         Kara's stomach flipped. She risked looking up only to find that Mon-El's eyes were firmly fixed on her, which she was pretty sure meant he wanted to see how well she was taking all this new and oh-so-interesting information, and if her expression was reflecting the turmoil swirling through her mind right now... oh, gosh. She looked away quickly.

         "Oh," she answered yet again.

         "Oh?" Mon-El repeated. He was wearing a smile that hovered in the neighborhood of amused, but was traveling quickly towards frustrated and possibly confused. "That's all you got for me, Krypton?"

         "Well, I guess I'm just confused, she began defensively, "It's just--" She floundered, not sure what was still bothering her. If Mon-El and Imra didn't fall in love and get married, and they didn't _need_  to get married-- not that she had even been thinking about a dark-haired baby out there with Mon-El's stormy grey eyes, no sir, not even for a second-- then what else was there? Money? But Mon-El had always been surprisingly nonmaterialistic for someone who was literally royalty. Something just didn’t add up. "You're telling me things are over with Imra, but I _know_ you love her, Mon-El, I could see it." 

          _Especially when you kissed her right in front of me,_ she thought. Of course it was only the once, and other than a hug here and there, they had stayed far away from any public displays of affection, but she figured that was just them trying to be respectful-- possibly, in part, because she _may_ have caused a teensy little baby-sized sonic boom as she flew away from the DEO, seconds after Mon-El introduced her to his _wife_.

         For a moment, Mon-El simply stared at her. Then he sighed, drumming his hands on his knees a few times. "Do you love Winn?" he asked suddenly, folding his arms and leaning back.

         Kara eyebrows shot up and she blinked. "What? I mean... but that's not--"

         "Just answer the question, Kara," Mon-El interrupted. "Do you"-- he pointed double finger guns at her, then formed a heart in the air with his hands-- "love Winn?" 

         Kara rolled her eyes. "Of course I do," she replied with exaggerated patience, slapping his heart-hands out of her face. "He's one of my best friends. He's family."

         "Well, there's your answer," Mon-El said, reaching over and swatting gently at her legs. "I do love Imra. I love and care about her, like you love and care about Winn."

         "Okay, but I'm not having _sex_ with Winn." It slipped out before Kara even knew she'd been thinking it, and she was suddenly glad a person couldn't actually die from embarrassment.

          _Oh crap. Crap, crap, double crap._

         Actually, maybe she wished a person _could_ die from embarrassment. It was a tough call at the moment.

         She saw Mon-El flinch, but his voice was steady when he responded, barely skipping a beat, "Well, maybe you _would_ be having sex with Winn if you found yourself stranded with him in a dystopian future where everyone else you have ever known and _loved_  has been dead for literally hundreds of years-- and... and then it turns out being married to Winn is your best option for intergalactic peace-- and you're just trying your best to keep living so you can be the man-- _woman--_ you promised someone you would be." He'd spoken without pausing, so he took a moment to catch his breath, then exhaled gustily as he folded his arms and fell back against the armrest again.

         Kara felt strangely compelled to cry. Or maybe laugh. Possibly throw up? But all she did was offer him a tight nod and say a bit stiffly, "I see your point."

         Mon-El snort-laughed softly, unfolding and refolding his arms a few times before settling on unfolded. "Imra always knew how I felt about you Kara. That was never a secret." He began fussing with his edge of the blanket. "But I did try to be a good husband, and make her happy. And I did eventually grow to love her. Like Winn," he quickly added. "Well, I mean like you and Winn, not me and Winn. Although, I do love that guy, so--" 

         "Mon-El," Kara interrupted, sternly forcing away any hint of a smile. Now was not the time for one of Mon-El's rambling stories, no matter how entertaining they could be.

         Mon-El cleared his throat and flashed her a weird half-smile, half-grimace. "Well, you got it-- what I was saying..." He waved a hand, trailing off into silence.

         Kara fidgeted, nodding vaguely. Then she slapped her legs. "Okay, then!" she said briskly, feeling it was beyond time to wrap this bad boy up. "So once and for all, Imra and Brainy didn't think you'd want to return to this time because...?"

         Mon-El looked thoughtful for a moment. His eyes drifted towards the window, his gaze distant. “The short story?” he asked. “Because they knew I promised you that I would never hurt you on purpose."

         Kara's heart clenched, as his meaning became clear. She saw a memory of herself outside Mon-El's containment cell at the DEO, crying and begging Mon-El to convince her that it was really him. The way he'd looked at her... She understood better now that it wasn't indifference that kept him from responding to her in the way she wanted-- no, desperately needed, but it still hurt to remember it. "And the long story?" she asked, a little more breathlessly than she would have preferred.

         Mon-El finally filled her in on how Imra and Brainy assumed he’d veto any mission that had a potential to cause Kara pain. ( _But I guess we’ll never know,_ he’d remarked with just a tinge of bitterness, _since they never asked_.) Sometimes his stoic nature baffled Kara. Sure, she could hear a sort of tightness in his voice as he talked, and she knew him well enough to recognize the simmering anger behind the stiff set of his jaw, but otherwise, he was the picture of calm. He should be furious! The people he loved and trusted most lied to him. They betrayed him. They undermined him. Not to mention they apparently almost killed him (and themselves) and didn’t even have the courtesy to tell him the truth as soon as they woke up in the 21st century.

         Kara sat in silent astonishment-- struggling, just as she was sure Mon-El had, to accept that such a thing was possible. And yet, once she believed it was possible, so many other things fell into place. It finally made sense how Imra and Brainy would let Mon-El make tough calls in the name of duty, and then swoop in to play the kind, valiant Legionairres who couldn’t just stand idly by. They were always planning to help Supergirl and the DEO fight the Worldkillers. They were just protecting their secret mission. And the Legion ship! Mon-El had been so frustrated-- he couldn’t figure out why the normal repairs weren’t working-- only to discover Imra and Brainy had been sabotaging his efforts to fix it all along.

         As Mon-El calmly recounted everything his wife and best friend had done, the haunted look Kara had seen way too often over the past several months had slowly crept back over his face. Not able to bear seeing the naked pain, she gazed out the window into the night sky where she’d spent so much time flying free, serving the people of National City, as if by gazing hard enough she might somehow get back there, and not just to the freedom of the night sky, but to a time when she didn’t know all the things she knew now.

         "Kara?"

         She blinked. "Sorry," she said, focusing her gaze on Mon-El and hoping her smile didn’t actually look as forced and strained as it felt. "I'm listening."

         He looked skeptical, but thankfully decided to let it pass. "I learned about honor and forgiveness from you, Kara. And I’ve been trying really, _really_ hard to forgive them for what they did. But Imra--" he paused, swallowing hard, "she just-- she let me carry around all this guilt and shame... for _months_... because of my complicated feelings--" He broke off, shaking his head and scratching his jaw, "I don't know, Kara. I get why they did it, I do, but I don't think I'll ever be able to get past it."

         For a moment, Kara could only stare silently at him. She had no words. Words were actually failing Kara Danvers, intrepid reporter. Then a thought occurred to her and before she knew it she had reached over and punched Mon-El's leg. Hard-ish.

         He yelped in surprise, "Hey! What was that for?"

         "Sorry!" Kara covered her mouth with both hands, eyes wide. "Sorry, I was-- it's just--" She slowly dropped her hands. "Are you saying they _knew_ how to time travel the whole time? And they didn't tell you?" she inquired, eyes widening even further, her voice increasing in pitch.

         Mon-El laughed, vigorously rubbing the spot on his leg where she'd punched him, but it was uncharacteristically mirthless. "Well, not the _whole_ time. But I'm pretty sure it was the way I arrived that put Brainy on the right track. You know--" he punched his hand with his fist, "hitting disruptions."

         She could barely contain her curiosity as Mon-El slowly began sharing minor details about his time in the future, when he'd first arrived. She had to literally bite her lip to keep herself from interrupting him every ten seconds with the questions popping into her head. But she hadn't missed the way his shoulders were slowly relaxing and his jaw unclenching as he talked. The guy clearly had a lot of thoughts he needed to unpack, so she held her breath (and her tongue) as Mon-El...

         ... told her about his pod crashing to Earth and how he had just enough time to choke out 'Daxamite' and 'lead' to his rescuers before passing out.

         ... described how doctors were mystified as to how a Daxamite had reached adulthood without ever being inoculated against Earth's deadly Atmospheric Lead Disorder.

         ... laughed about how-- _allegedly_ \-- during his initial delirium he kept asking for Supergirl and babbling on and on about how he needed to contact Supergirl and the DEO.

         ... explained how Brainy had put together most of the pieces of Mon-El's story before he had even recovered enough to tell anyone his name or explain where and _when_ he was from. 

         "And honestly?" Mon-El said gradually, his voice now almost cheerful. "I'm not sure which Brainy was more excited about." He gave a small shrug, smiling ruefully. "The fact that I had clearly traveled a thousand years into the future, or that I personally knew Supergirl."

         Kara nodded, mustering up a small smile. "Sounds about right."

         "You know, Kara, I can't tell you much about the future-- spoilers-- but you _are_ a legend there, you know. There are monuments." He smiled, too, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Knowing you personally made me somewhat of a celebrity, actually." His smile widened, becoming noticeably more genuine. "Also, I may have mentioned that we dated." He smirked at her, giving his eyebrows a quick lift. "Once or twice."

         Ignoring his teasing tone, Kara waved all that away. She didn't care about her supposed fame a thousand years in the future. Although she'd probably circle back to that whole monument thing because that could be cool. "But they knew? And didn't tell you?" She couldn't understand how his friends-- his _family_ \-- could do that to him. "Are you _kidding_ me right now?"

         Mon-El's eyes had gone wide and were strangely bright. Then he was doing that adorable-- no, _not_ adorable-- thing he did when he was trying not to laugh-- with his eyebrows knitting together and his forehead going all scrunchy, which was just so like him at a moment like this. Here she was being seriously outraged on his behalf and he was laughing. _Rao, why is he like this?_

         Mon-El chuckled then sighed. After a moment he nodded slowly. "Well," he said, rubbing his chin absentmindedly. "I think Brainy figured it out within a few years, but by then I'd organized the Legion." He shrugged a shoulder. "And we were busy trying to broker peace with other planets. And, of course..." His voice trailed off.

         "You and Imra were married," Kara guessed.

         "Imra and I were married," he agreed, reaching up to scratch a spot just above his ear. "Maybe they thought it would be too painful for me," he guessed, absently picking at the blanket covering his knees. "To know there was a way back, when things-- things were different, and I couldn't-- I just had-- I had responsibilities--"

         Unable to restrain herself, Kara snorted, interrupting Mon-El's halting excuses for Imra and Brainy, which frankly, she didn't think they deserved.

         He flashed her a grateful smile. One that did, in fact, reach his eyes, she noted with satisfaction.

         Kara leaned back against the armrest, folding her arms dramatically. "Whatever," she snorted. "They still should’ve told you."

         Mon-El appeared to be fighting off what looked suspiciously like a smirk. "The truth never hurts as much as secrets," he replied, his eyes twinkling as he smoothed wrinkles out of the blanket covering his lap. "Or so a wise person once told me." 

         Kara smiled in response. Then she sat up straight as a rod, punching her own leg this time for emphasis. "Well, they're both jerkholes!" she declared.

         This time Mon-El didn't hold back. He burst out laughing, holding his stomach as he doubled over with the force of it, and it was so genuine that Kara couldn't help but join in.

         "Well, they are," Kara pretend-grumbled, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. "I'm just saying what we're both thinking here."

         "Mhmm _,_ " Mon-El said through his chuckles, cocking an eyebrow at her.

         They sat grinning at each other until Mon-El finally broke the silence. "So did we just cover the two questions you wanted to ask me, or..."

         Kara smiled sheepishly. "That was just the first one."

         "Are you sure?" Hopefully, Mon-El cocked his head. "Because that really felt like two."

         Kara stared at him, her expression purposefully blank.

         "Kidding!" he laughed, raising his hands in mock surrender. Then he sighed. "Kara?"

         "Yes, Mon-El?"

         "I think I'm ready for that club soda now." He flashed her a cheeky grin and she didn't even try to fight the answering smile spreading across her face.

         She threw off the blanket and groaned as she stood, stretching her arms up over her head and bending from side-to-side. As she headed towards the kitchen she thought, _one question down, one to go_. So if she could just stop feeling a little bit like she was ready to cry or maybe run away and hide, that would be great.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess we'll need a Part III. I'll try to be less wordy, but it's difficult when they're just hanging out in Kara's loft. You know, chatting and whatnot. :)


	4. A Lofty Talk: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part III of the talk Kara and Mon-El had at her loft. Kara asks and Mon-El finally answers her final question.

          "So..." Kara said ten minutes later, as they sat across from each other at the tall kitchen table, each nursing a bubbly club soda on the rocks (with a lime slice, naturally). Every so often one would smile at the other, then they'd both look away or down at their drinks, then do the whole thing all over again. It was getting ridiculous.

          And why did she feel so nervous now?

          Kara chewed her lip. _You can do this, it's just one question._

          "Okay, hit me." Mon-El said, interrupting her silent pep talk. "But be nice," he pretend-begged, throwing his hands up in a defensive gesture. "I don’t think my ribs have recovered yet from the last time you hit me." He bit his lower lip and threw a few jabs and feints her way.

          "Hey! That was one time! And I apologized." She reached across the table and mock punched Mon-El’s shoulder. "Plus, psychic whammy defense, buddy."

          Mon-El's nose crinkled as he chuckled softly. Absently, he set his tumbler of club soda spinning impressively fast on the countertop. "Okay, okay..."

          Kara grinned. His laugh did that to her sometimes, made her smile no matter how sad or disheartened she might be feeling. Especially when his face went all crinkly and adorable like it was at the moment-- everything horrible faded away, even if just for a moment.

          _Like this moment would_ , Kara thought, _If I don't do... this!_  And with super speed, Kara snatched Mon-El's tumbler just before it went spin-sailing right off the counter. "Enough of that," she said jokingly as she placed the drink in front of Mon-El again... this time on a coaster.

          Mon-El thanked Kara solemnly, then motioned for her to commence with the questioning.

          _Focus._

          She took a deep breath and looked across the table at Mon-El, smiling nervously.

          He smiled back, then ducked his head. When he raised his head again, his expression was more serious, but his lips twitched into another small smile. 

          Absently drumming her fingers on the table, Kara tried to ignore the way that small smile set off flutters in her stomach. She wondered if he had any idea how his smiles still affected her. She also wondered why she was having such a difficult time getting to this last question. What was her problem? And had Mon-El's eyes always darkened like that when he looked at her?

          Suddenly, Mon-El used his super speed to reach over and stop her drumming fingers with his hand. Kara froze, startled by the lighting-fast move, but she didn't pull her hand away. Instead, she glanced at the familiar hand covering hers, then-- wide-eyed and slightly more breathless than she liked-- she looked up to find him watching her, a funny twist to his smile, his expression slightly uncertain.

          Kara went hot all over, mortified by the way her heart was suddenly cartwheeling for no good reason at all. Sure, Mon-El's hand was touching her hand. Big deal! It's not like he'd never touched her hand before! He'd touched her hand _plenty_ , thank you very much. He'd touched a lot more than just her hand when--

          _Nope._ That _wasn't a helpful line of thought._

          Kara could see that her flushed cheeks and obvious discomfort had, for some nefarious reason known only to Mon-El, caused his twisty smile and uncertain expression to bloom into a genuine, singularly _Mon-El_ kind of grin. The one that sometimes came right before he did something sweet and adorable, but more often came before he did something that would make her blush... or sigh...

          Mon-El's gaze was drifting back to their hands, and Kara felt helpless to stop her eyes from following his. She watched his hand slowly slide across hers as if he were pulling it away-- his fingertips grazing and tickling the top of her hand-- but he stopped just as his fingertips were hovering over hers.

          Kara risked a peek at Mon-El. He was staring intently at their hands, seemingly mesmerized. She covertly watched his face as he-- with single-minded focus and concentration-- gently slid his fingers between hers. Pushing lightly, he lifted her fingers so they would slide between his, interlocking all their fingers until his palm finally met hers and he was squeezing his fingers tightly around her hand.

          Kara had been fighting to suppress a shiver of... _something_  as she watched Mon-El capture her hand in a way that she knew by heart. Almost involuntarily-- almost-- Kara's thumb moved out from under his and she trapped _his_ thumb, stroking it gently a few times before moving her thumb to rest, not over or under, but next to his.

          Side by side.

          Mon-El, still focused on their joined hands, looked relaxed, but she could see his chest rising and falling rapidly as he took shallow breaths, and she could definitely hear his heart thumping in double-time-- which she hoped was drowning out the frenetic pounding of her own heart. But there was something so thrilling and stunning and heartbreakingly familiar in this simple touch... and she _liked_ it.

          Slowly Mon-El relaxed his hand so their fingers were still intertwined, but their palms were now resting on the table. He raised his head finally and looked at Kara, his gaze unwavering. "Kara?" he said, his voice a question, his eyes searching hers. "Is it... is this okay?" he asked, his voice low and husky, nodding his head towards their joined hands.

          Kara was incapable at the moment of doing anything other than nodding wordlessly.

          Mon-El gazed steadily at her for three full seconds before slowly smiling. "Okay," he said, blinking in that soft, lazy way he reserved only for her.

          "Okay," Kara repeated softly, answering his smile with one of her own. Then, "Hey Mon-El?"

          "Mhmm," he responded, lifting his drink with his free hand and taking a small sip.

          "When we were at the botanical garden in Argo City, you didn't want to kiss me, did you?"

          Mon-El choked.

          Kara knew her timing sucked. It had always sucked. She accepted this as a fundamental truth. And really, if she was being honest, it was Mon-El's own fault he was currently choking on his club soda, because he was well aware of her sucky, awful, very bad timing. He should have known better. It's just that when Kara felt Mon-El take her hand and gently squeeze their palms together in _that_ way-- so intimate and achingly familiar-- well, she was suddenly ready to ask her final question, that's all. She couldn't explain it, but it was like the moment Mon-El's hand had captured hers, a wave of overwhelming calm and well-being had washed over her, so strong and warm and... and _loud_ that she felt like she could do, or say, or _ask_ Mon-El anything.

          "Well, were you _planning_ to kiss me, I mean," she clarified, continuing as if their conversation hadn't been interrupted and Mon-El wasn't currently spluttering and violently coughing into the crook of his arm. "Because it's just, uh, I felt like we were having a moment there? You know, before the killer Kelex interrupted us?"

          Mon-El was slumped over the table now, his face buried in his arm. He lifted his head-- his face flushed a deep, splotchy red-- and tried to say something, but as soon as he opened his mouth he started coughing again. He held up a finger, as if to say _Just give me a minute_ , then dropped his head and continued coughing.

          Kara watched Mon-El struggling to breathe, her brow furrowed. Truthfully, up to now, she'd thought he was just being melodramatic. She reached over and softly patted his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

          He nodded his head in his arm and flashed a thumbs up.

          Relieved, she sipped at her drink. Fortunately she didn't have too long to wait before Mon-El was finally able to choke out, " _That's_ your second question?" His words were a bit muffled, but Kara didn't miss his incredulous tone.

          She rolled her eyes. Why did he have to make everything so difficult? "It's a simple question, Mon-El." She paused before calmly setting down her glass. Well, she may as well come clean. It was now or never. "Okay, fine. If it helps, I really... _really_ wanted to kiss _you_ ," she graciously confessed. Because, yeah.

          Mon-El, finally lifting his head from his arm, grinned at Kara. His face was still quite red from all the coughing, but not as bad as it had been a minute before. He made an itty-bitty gesture with his fingers and coughed out a laugh. "It does a little bit, yeah."

          "Good, good..." Kara nodded vaguely. "It's just-- I'm not saying you _wanted_ to kiss me or anything-- but I was curious why we never talked about what happened? In the garden?" She was trying to be calm and rational, but it really upset her that he'd actually planned to leave without ever mentioning that moment in Argo City. Especially if he'd wanted to kiss her. Because that was information a gal needed to know.

          And then there was the other thing.

          "And, uh, it probably would have been a good idea to talk about--" Rao, she could literally _feel_ herself blushing. "--you know, what happened the night _before_? After dinner?"

          After the disastrous dinner date with her childhood friend Thara and her husband-- _but she_ had _been right about Felra, so ha!_ \-- Kara and Mon-El had gone back to her mother's home, and since neither had been tired, they'd found a comfortable couch and sank into it, taking the rare opportunity to just relax and talk. Well, at first it was mostly Kara talking-- venting, really-- and Mon-El listening, but eventually, once her adrenaline leveled out, they'd leaned their heads back against the couch and turned their attention to the night sky, which was on full display thanks to the floor-to-ceiling windows that made up the walls behind and to the side of the couch.

          They'd admired the swirly colors of the ringed planet that took up so much of the sky in one direction, and gazed at the clusters of stars dotting the rest of it. They reminisced about different planets they'd visited when they were younger, and argued over which planetary systems were part of which galaxies. They'd teased and joked about their time on Maaldoria, and laughed at the stories Kara told about what Jo Gunraf had been up to since escaping Slaver's Moon. Mon-El had even opened up a little about a few of the more noteworthy planets he'd traveled to during his time away...

          Next thing she remembered, someone was nudging her shoulder, whispering her name. She'd been warm and comfortable and not even remotely interested in talking to whoever it was who was now more aggressively shaking her by the shoulder, repeating her name a little more sharply now.

          Opening her eyes just enough to make out her mother’s smiling face hovering above her, she'd pouted and snuggled more comfortably against the cushions, about to ask for just a few more minutes, when two things had occurred to her. First, light was streaming though the windows, so the night was long gone. Second, the cushions she was nestled so comfortably against were not so much cushiony as they were firm, _very_ warm, and... breathing.

          Panicked, she'd turned her head only to confirm that, yes, those comfy cushions were, in fact, Mon-El, who was still fast asleep, his face pressed into the back of her neck. Apparently she'd fallen asleep against him, trapping him between herself and the couch cushions.

          She'd tried to sit up, but quickly discovered Mon-El's arm wrapped tightly around her waist, pinning her very snuggly to his chest. Mon-El had always been a heavy sleeper, so trying to escape his surprisingly strong grip involved a lot of wriggling and squirming on Kara's part, and a lot of nudging and shaking on Alura's-- who, by the way, seemed to find the whole situation much more amusing than Kara did. The soft, sleepy mewls of protest Mon-El made as Kara tried to disentangle herself, and the way he kept nuzzling her neck, didn't help things either.

          He'd finally groaned and peeked one eye open, then yelped "Oh!" and hastily sat up, dragging Kara with him. Then, realizing he was not only hugging Kara tightly to his chest, but he had somehow managed to pull her onto his lap, he yelped "Oh!" again and released her like she was a girl on fire, leaning back and throwing both arms out to the side, allowing Kara to scooch, in the most awkward way possible, from his lap.

          Alura, lips twitching, just nodded as Kara, blushing violently, let loose a torrent of rambling excuses while frantically pulling down and smoothing her wrinkled dress that had apparently ridden up quite a bit while she was asleep. And Mon-El was no help. He just sat on the couch, yawning, and looking dazed. And then, once he was fully awake, he'd been irritatingly calm about the whole incident, but she hadn't missed the way his ears and neck had been flushed bright red for nearly half an hour afterwards. And she _definitely_ hadn't missed the way his body had responded to hers as she was wriggling and squirming against him to break free...

          Mon-El raised his head slowly. "I thought we agreed never to speak of that?" he asked quietly, his tone serious, but his eyes twinkling with barely-restrained humor.

          "Well, I changed my mind!" Kara retorted, aggressively tucking a stray strand of curls behind her ear as she determinedly shoved away the memory of how it _felt_ to be nestled in Mon-El's arms, to feel his warm body pressed so firmly--

          _Come on, Zor-El, pull it together!_

          "Fine." Mon-El reached for his drink, carefully took a sip, and sighed as he set it down again. "Truthfully?" he asked.

          Kara looked down and began absently drawing little patterns in the tiny drops of moisture on the outside of her tumbler. "That would be nice," she murmured.

          He hesitated, then said, "I guess I just thought with everything going on, I didn't want to burden you with my feelings."

          Instantly frustrated, Kara put her fingertips to her temple and sighed heavily. She was the Girl of Steel, for Rao's sake! She could handle hearing about her ex-boyfriend's secret feelings of more-than-friendship for her. She could handle talking about almost kissing in botanical gardens while visiting other planets.

          "Why would knowing how you really feel about me be a burden, Mon-El?"

          "Well, J'onn said--"

          Kara's brows flew up. "J'onn knew? You told _J'onn?!_ "

          Mon-El pulled his head back. "No! Pfft!" He paused. "Well, I mean, he kind of guessed--" he started, but the expression on Kara's face made him backpedal, "-- but I didn't really _tell_ him anything... except maybe just a little bit about--"

          "I can't believe you talked to J'onn!" Kara interrupted. She knew her voice was rising in pitch with each word, but she couldn't seem to dial back the frustration welling up inside her.

          _Frustrating Kara Zor-El._ That _was Mon-El's superpower_.

          "J'onn thought-- _I_ thought-- it might be selfish of me to say something," Mon-El continued defensively, his voice rising along with Kara's.

          "Selfish? Why would it be selfish?" Kara demanded. "Wait. Did J'onn tell you that?!" But Mon-El didn't seem to be hearing her.

          "-- _and_ I didn't want to distract you while we were fighting Reign!" He glared at her and huffed, jutting out his jaw in that way he had when he was being particularly stubborn.

          "You didn't want to--" She snorted, looking away and laughing more scornfully than she meant to, but why was he _like_ this?! "Mon-El! I thought you were _over_ me!" she half-shouted. " _That_ was distracting!" She honestly felt about two seconds away from heat-visioning the stubborn scowl off of his stupid, bearded, overprotective face.

          And then Mon-El was taking a deep, cleansing breath. "Hey, hey, okay," he said in what Kara was sure he must have thought was a calming voice. (It was not.) Then he leaned forward, placing his hand on the table next to Kara's. "But you needed to focus on the Worldkillers and--"

          Kara couldn't take anymore.

          "I... CAN... MULTITASK!" she shouted, banging her fist on the table to punctuate each word. With each slam of her fist, she heard the ice cubes in their drinks clinking together as the club soda sloshed, and she saw Mon-El lean away instinctively, staring at her with wide eyes, like she was some crazy alien person just pounding on kitchen tables for fun or whatever.

          Okay. So maybe the fist pounding was slightly over-the-top. A mild overreaction. Perhaps. But she could be calm, cool, and collected. No problem. So she very calmly tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, and very coolly took a few deep breaths to collect herself.

          Meanwhile, Mon-El's expression was slowly shifting. His eyes were beginning to crinkle at the edges and he was clamping his lips together in a failing attempt to stop them from twitching.

          Kara rolled her eyes heavenward. Honestly, could the man not be serious for even two seconds? She pointed a finger at him like she was scolding a naughty puppy and said warningly, "Mon-El, _no_ \--"

          But she could see his eyebrows and forehead going all crinkly, and his shoulders were already lifting. She knew she was fighting a losing battle, but she gave it one last shot.

          "It's not funny! Don't you dare laugh at me--"

          But he was already too far gone.

          Kara scowled at Mon-El, who was bent over double with laughter. She considered storming away-- _yeah, that'd show him_ \-- but was distracted by the way his back and shoulders-- currently shaking with laughter-- filled out his Legion hoodie.

          It wasn't the first time she'd noticed the subtle differences in his build since he'd returned. And of course there were the obvious differences in Mon-El 2.0. The beard, for instance. And, sure, it made sense that he would have grown stronger over the years, which was evident in the way his broad chest and shoulders, powerful legs, and... all the other parts of him filled out his caped super suit. This had been especially noticeable during her training with Mon-El, particularly when he'd be teaching her a new cape trick, which would inevitably require him to fling his cape, exposing the lean, powerful body of a Daxamite superhero who'd apparently spent the better part of seven years getting super-swol. Which, by the way, was a totally normal, scientific observation she'd made. Just once or twice.  _Oh, who am I kidding?!_ A day. Once or twice _a day_. She felt her neck and cheeks heating up as she remembered one particular move he'd taught her during their last training session--

          "Kara?"

          Kara stiffened when she heard Mon-El say her name-- _uh, when did he stop laughing?_ \-- and the memory of him in his super suit quickly faded, replaced by a living, breathing version of him-- one who sat right in front of her, holding a fist in front of his mouth in a not very successful attempt to hide the grin behind it. The look of unholy amusement stealing over his face was hard to miss, too.

          Her stomach clenched. He had seen her checking him out, hadn't he? Oh Rao, he had, and now he was sitting in front of her with that irritating _gotcha_ expression spreading across his face, and she had no idea how to play off any of this.

          _Please, just kill me now._

          She ended up just gritting her teeth and saying, "Anywaaaaay..." and then forcing herself to smile in what she hoped was a convincing, totally innocent way. Then, just in case she was failing epically at looking casual, she glanced away and began playing with the lime slice in her club soda, trapping it under the ice cubes and poking it back under every time it escaped. She couldn't tell if Mon-El was buying her feigned nonchalance, but he did stop grinning at her in that annoyingly _knowing_ way, so there was that.

          Mon-El pursed his lips, head tilted. Then, after a slight hesitation, he slid his free hand across the table, towards Kara, palm up.

          Which is when she realized that throughout their entire conversation-- the arguments and the choking and the laughter-- she and Mon-El had never once stopped holding hands. Which was really kind of adorable! Also annoying. It was _mostly_ annoying. Kara was annoyed. And now Mon-El was looking at her, his face the picture of solemn innocence, which Kara _also_ found annoying.

          Mon-El began tapping the back of his outstretched hand on the countertop, looking slightly impatient now.

          Kara looked at it, then Mon-El, and scoffed at him, crinkling her nose and giving him her best _In your dreams, buddy_ expression.

          His brows furrowed for a second, then cleared as he opened his eyes wide and pointedly looked at her, then his hand, then her again.

          "Mon-El..." Making a noise halfway between a snort and a giggle, she rolled her eyes.

          "Come on," he coaxed, giving her a deceptively shy smile, "you know you want to."

          Kara hesitated, smiling uncertainly.

          Mon-El wiggled his fingers. "Go on. Just do it," he said, crooking an eyebrow at her and nodding towards his hand. "Just take my hand," he urged, his casual shrug and tone clearly saying, _Hey, relax, it's no big deal_.

          Kara's lips twitched and she looked away, but she quickly turned back and dramatically placed her hand on top of his. He dexterously maneuvered their hands to interlock their fingers... and that's how Kara found herself staring into Mon-El's eyes as they held hands across her kitchen table.

          "Kara," he said again. He was still smiling, but his voice was steadier now, more serious. "You're right, okay? I should've told you how I felt sooner. But honestly, I just--" He shook his head, absently rubbing his thumbs along Kara's as he talked. "I didn't know what to do."

          Kara thought of the way Mon-El had come to her over the past several months whenever he saw her struggling, just wanting to help-- being all wise and helpful and calming-- not realizing it was almost worse for her to have him around. Despite his all-too-rare smiles, he had an air of deep sadness around him, which was a constant reminder of the outer space stray puppy she'd lost. But she'd missed him, and couldn't resist taking what she could get, even if it hurt sometimes.

          So she nodded and said, "I get it." She hesitated, then added, "Of _course_ I get it." And she did.

          "Yeah?" he asked, surprise and relief flooding his face. "Okay!... Oh, and hey, just so you know, I _was_ actually planning to chat with you about a lot of this stuff, Kara-- like Argo City." He smiled. "I just, uh, I thought the conversations might go over better if they came from a thousand years away," he admitted sheepishly, and he just looked so apologetic and hopeful that Kara couldn't help it-- she smiled.

          "Coward," she teased.

          "Yeah," he agreed, brows raised, his eyes wide.

          They both chuckled. Mon-El sobered first and said, "Now, to answer your final question."

          Kara fidgeted with mock-excitement, which she hoped hid the way her stomach flipped and skittered and generally went all fluttery. "Yes. Let's do this thing!"

          Good. Yes. She definitely sounded excited. She was pretty sure that's what excited sounded like. Mostly.

          Mon-El squeezed Kara's hands, and her skin prickled where his thumbs slowly brushed over hers, his warmth sending a tremor through her. His stormy eyes held hers captive, his gaze unwavering, and Kara suddenly thought she might spontaneously combust if he didn't move it along. Like, literal Kryptonian combustion.

          "Of _course_ I wanted to kiss you at the botanical garden in Argo City," he said finally, in a deep, quiet, _devastatingly_ sexy voice that made Kara go hot all over, and pray to Rao that she wouldn't suddenly discover that her palms _were_ capable of sweating.

          While he talked, Mon-El had been leaning closer to Kara, slowly, almost imperceptibly, so that now their faces were very near to each other. And at this range, she didn't need superpowers to detect his increasingly erratic breathing and almost frenzied heartbeat.

          "And I really, _really_ wanted to kiss you," Mon-El continued, echoing her words from earlier, and so close now that Kara could felt a whisper of his breath on her face as he spoke, "the night before, under the stars, on the couch at your mother's home."

          Kara swallowed. Her heart, already beating in overtime, kicked into a higher gear.

          Mon-El smiled at her, his eyes soft and dreamy. "Kara, I will never _not_ want to kiss you," he said simply, shaking his head at her, like she had asked him the silliest question in the world.

          Almost breathless, Kara's gaze drifted to Mon-El's lips, then back to his eyes-- which were filled with such affection and sadness and yearning she could almost _feel_ it-- before settling on his lips again, and she was suddenly light-headed. She closed her eyes.

          Only to pop them back open when Mon-El, clearing his throat, gave her hands a final squeeze and disentangled his fingers from hers. Letting go.

          _Noooooo..._

          Kara looked down for a second or two, trying to keep her disappointment and embarrassment from showing. What had just happened? Had she misread the signals? Because she knew it had been a while, but she was familiar with those signals. _Very_ familiar. Not to mention he had _just_ been telling her how much he'd wanted to kiss her-- with that look in his eyes-- and let's be honest... Captain Handsy McFeelerson over there was the furthest thing from a tease a person could be. Not that she _wanted_ to kiss him. Obviously. Clearly, the timing was all wrong, she got that. With him leaving, and that whole mess with Imra, there were still... complications. It's just... no really, what had just _happened_?

          She snuck a glance over at Mon-El. He was visibly trying to catch his breath, and he had this weird half-smile, half-grimace thing happening on his face, which Kara was pretty sure he thought passed for cheerful. _Um, nope._ But there was something else about his expression, something stoic and determined. Something resigned. Kara's stomach clenched. She didn't like that look.

          Mon-El shoved his hands in his pockets. "But I get that the timing is bad," he told her, shrugging.

          "Yeah," Kara said softly, nodding. "Timing."

          "So..." Mon-El said, reaching up to scratch at his chin, "there you go! I'm pretty sure I just answered your second question," he added, in a voice that was overly cheerful and brisk. Kara might have even described his tone as chipper.

          "Yeah."

          _Bad timing_.

          Mon-El held her gaze for moment, then quickly glanced down at his watch. "Wow, is that the time?" he asked, sounding surprised. He scooted off the kitchen stool, lightly tapping the tabletop as he went. "Winn is gonna kill me if I don't get back soon to give him a full tour of the ship." Off Kara's confused look, he added, "Apparently there was an incident with Brainy and one of the bathrooms? Anyway..." He waved his hand dismissively.

          Kara bobbed her head a few times. "Sounds like a Winn thing," she responded, chuckling.

          _Horrible timing._

          "Right... right." With a final nod, Mon-El turned for the door, then slowly turned back to Kara. "You know," he said, sounding thoughtful, "I never laugh as much as I do when I'm with you." Kara's heart tightened at his genuine smile and she tried not to look as devastated as she felt as Mon-El buried his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I'm gonna miss that," he murmured, ducking his head, then glancing up at her through his lashes one last time, in that frustratingly dreamy way he had, setting her stupid heart racing all over again.

          _The worst timing ever._

          There was an awkward moment of silence. Then Mon-El was turning to leave and Kara's heart was pounding in her ears, and all she could think was that good timing was completely overrated, and even though she had her Legion ring and knew she would at least be able to _talk_ to him again, she still couldn't bear it if she let him leave again without at least hugging him goodbye... just one more hug.

          And that's when it happened... just as she was debating whether to jump over or speed around the table between them. One minute Mon-El was walking towards the door, about to say something noble, or witty, or sad, or _final._ Then, in a blur of motion, Kara was grabbing him by the shoulders, spinning him around, and shoving him up against the wall so quickly he had no time to react, to resist.

          Not that he would have resisted.

          _Screw timing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....aaaaaand SCENE! :)
> 
> BTW, the couch Kara and Mon-El fell asleep on? It actually does exist in Alura's home in Argo City!
> 
> There are actually two couches (appearing in 3x20 and 3x21) that would fit my description of the one in this chapter. I was thinking specifically of the one Kara and Alura were sitting on in 3x21, when they had their talk.


	5. A Lofty Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Kara and Mon-El's actual goodbye scene, in her loft, the way I think it should have happened.
> 
> (This used to be Chapter 2, but now it's where it belongs. My obsessive ass needed it to be in chronological order!)

        She hadn’t meant to do it.

        One minute Mon-El was walking towards the door, about to say something noble, or witty, or sad, or _final_ , and okay, she kind of went a little bit crazy.

        And whatever Mon-El had been about to say was lost when Kara grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around, and shoved him up against the wall so quickly he had no time to react, to resist.

        Not that he would have resisted.

        Mon-El hit the wall so hard it knocked the air clean out of his lungs.

        “Kara,” he managed to gasp, just as one of Kara’s framed pictures on the wall near his shoulder, jarred by the impact, crashed to the floor.

        Kara didn’t even give it a glance (it’s not like that had never happened to them before) and Mon-El was too busy struggling to regain his breath to do more than quickly glance at the shattered frame on the floor.

        It wasn’t fair that he could still do this to her. Not fair at all. It had been nearly eight years for him, but for her it still felt so raw and fresh and he absolutely should _not_ be able to make her feel so frantic and needy and vulnerable. Especially since he was leaving her.

        Again.

        It wasn't fair.

        Still holding Mon-El firmly against the wall, Kara studied him, her eyes roaming his face, taking in his erratic breathing, and the way he was staring back at her, his eyebrows raised, his eyes wide and a little wild.

        She could hear his heart thumping like crazy…

        … Actually, she could _feel_ it thumping like crazy.

       _Oh my Rao_ , she thought, suddenly aware that she was pressed up so closely to Mon-El that she had no doubt he could feel her heart pounding, too.

        “Kara?” he said, his voice a question, his eyes searching hers like he was looking for something, but wasn’t quite sure what it was yet.

        Or that he wanted to find it.

        Kara closed her eyes, mortified. She was about to let go, to step away, but when she opened her eyes, ready to apologize for manhandling him, he did something she’d been longing to see but never thought she would again. Something she’d dreamed of for months. Something she still missed so much it ached sometimes. Something that never failed to make her heart go crazy and her knees go weak.

        He _smiled_ at her.

        And not just any smile, oh no no _no_. Mon-El had obviously smiled at her before. But there were smiles, and then there was  _that_ smile. Mon-El’s smile. The only one that was sweet and adorable and sly and deliciously wicked and, oh dear Rao, sexy as hell.

_Sexy..._

_as..._

_HELL_.

        Suddenly Mon-El wasn't the only one who couldn’t catch his breath.

        As that wicked _wicked_ smile spread slowly across Mon-El’s face, relaxing the almost constant worry lines in his forehead and easing the careworn expression that broke her heart and haunted her dreams, Kara drank in the beauty of it and couldn’t stop the answering smile she knew was spreading across her own face.

        She couldn’t resist his smile. She could never, ever resist it.

        She realized she was still pressed closely against him and gripping his shoulders so tightly she knew she would have broken several of his bones if he were human. But after sparring with Mon-El over the past few months, she knew that eight years of training, Legion duties, and general superheroing had made Mon-El strong enough to break away from her if he wanted to.

        Apparently he didn’t want to.

        “Kara…” He said her name slowly this time, his voice low and husky, like the first time he told her she was beautiful.

        The first time he kissed her.

        And this time there was a warning in his voice - and a challenge. The smile had faded, but his eyes were full of… something. Something that pulled at her gut and made her pulse go wild.

         _Challenge accepted_ , Kara thought as she looked into his eyes and slowly, very slowly, raised herself up on her toes until their lips were mere inches apart. She was so close she could feel his breath on her face, little puffs of air through his slightly parted lips. She was close enough to finally breathe him in, the scent of him, and a wave of intense, heated longing swept over her like wildfire.

        When Mon-El went away, she couldn’t bring herself to wash the pillow on his side of the bed because she could still smell him on it, that earthy, musky, all-natural and uniquely Mon-El scent that somehow reminded her of happiness, potstickers, and yellow sunshine. When the scent had finally faded, she’d cried.

        But now here he was, right here, and Kara was surrounded by his scent, and she could barely keep it together.

        No, it definitely wasn’t fair that he could still do this to her. Still affect her like this. This was all his fault. She should tell him this was all his fault.

        But her gaze drifted to Mon-El’s lips, then to that little scar under his lower lip, and she was suddenly light-headed again. Breathless. And this time, she was not going to just sit back and wait. She tore her gaze away from his lips and looked into his eyes.

        “Hi,” she whispered.

        "Hi," he whispered back, and stood perfectly still as Kara relaxed her grip on his shoulders and finally did what she’d been dying to do since she discovered him on the Legion ship all those months ago. She leaned in towards him, her pulse racing. Slowly. Tentatively. Exactly the way he did so long ago at the DEO when he was dying. Giving him a chance to say no, to turn his head, to break her heart into a million pieces. But he didn’t move, didn't push her away, so she finally, _finally_ pressed her lips gently to his.

        They were softer than she remembered. So soft, so full, so… perfect.

        Mon-El parted his lips, accepted her kiss, but he still hadn’t moved. Kara wasn’t even sure he was breathing. Embarrassed, she was about to pull away...

        Until she felt Mon-El tremble against her, and then he leaned into her and ever so softly began to kiss her back.

        Encouraged, she rested her palms on his cheeks, pressed herself even closer to him, and deepened the kiss.

        That's all it took. Mon-El finally came alive, and as Kara soon discovered, he still gave as good as he got, just like he always did, forever ago. He knew Kara didn't bend or break for anybody, and either would he. So he didn't hold back. Not even a little. In between kisses his breath escaped in ragged, staccato bursts, and his hands... his hands were everywhere, in her hair, cradling her face, gliding up and down her arms, running up and down her back. Kara relaxed into him, trying to get closer, she _needed_ to be closer. As she gently stroked his cheeks, thoroughly enjoying the new sensation of his beard under her roaming fingertips, she felt Mon-El’s hands finally land lightly on her waist, then skim slowly, oh so very _very_ slowly, down to her hips.

        Goosebumps broke out all over her body when his fingertips grazed the bare flesh exposed where her sweater had ridden up, and her hips instinctively rocked into his. They both gasped with surprise and… for other reasons… and she could feel his fingers grasping at her hips tightly, convulsively.

        Taking advantage of the moment, Mon-El pulled back from the kiss just enough to catch her lower lip with his teeth, then molded his lips around hers and tugged gently, rhythmically sucking and swiping her lip with his tongue and Kara could barely hold back a whimper as something familiar and breathless and exhilarating seared through her. She slid one hand from his cheek to the back of his neck, clutching him to her almost desperately, as she hummed softly, contentedly, into the kiss. Angling the slightest bit forward, she held onto his lips with hers, reveling in his closeness, in his taste, in his scent. When he transferred his lips to a place just under her ear and began kissing burning trails down her throat, this time a whimper was impossible to contain, and when his lips finally collided with hers again, she gasped into his mouth, eliciting a deep moan from him… and that’s when things got a little crazy.

        Suddenly, faster than the blink of an eye, it was Kara pressed up against the wall. A few more pictures crashed to the floor, but neither of them even spared a glance. Mon-El's unexpected and super-speedy move had Kara clutching at his shoulders as he locked his powerful arms around her and pulled her into a kiss so deep and so long and so _good_ that it was almost too much to bear. His lips, his tongue, his hands, his body, his _everything,_ were awakening something deep inside Kara that she thought she’d buried, forgotten, moved past. Something she thought she would never feel again. Not ever. And it hurt, in a way, but she never wanted it to end. 

        She could feel her heartbeat accelerating in time with Mon-El’s increasingly erratic breaths as she ran her palms from his shoulders down his chest and up again, discovering the new shape of his body after years of hard work and training. She allowed her wandering fingers to caress his cheeks, his neck, his hair, though it was too short to really dig her fingers into these days. She couldn't get close enough, she needed him closer, and if she could just... slip her hands... under his t-shirt... and hoodie...

        But then she was frantically grabbing at Mon-El's shoulders to steady her suddenly boneless legs when his warm hands on the small of her back slipped lower and firmly anchored her against him, as he gently nudged her head to the side and ran his lips down her neck again. But this time he stopped to lick and suck and nibble _that_ spot — right above her collarbone — the spot he somehow remembered even after all the years away from her, the spot he _knew_  made her senses explode and drove her crazy with need, and she thought she would die from sheer, excruciating pleasure.

        Instead, like an idiot, she burst into tears.

        Mon-El froze. Then without lifting his head, he let out a shuddery breath against her. He kissed her neck one last time with an exaggerated kissy noise, then slid his arms around her again and wrapped her in one of those tight, full-body hugs she remembered so well. Nuzzling into her neck like the stray outer space puppy she finally, _truly_ understood he still was at heart, he held her, swaying back and forth a little — his fingers tangled in her hair as he held her close, his other hand rubbing up and down her back, whispering soothing words to her in what she realized was Kryptonian — while she clung to him and sobbed like her heart was breaking.

        Because, of course, it was.

        After a few moments, she could feel Mon-El loosening his hold on her ever so slightly, like he was testing the waters, making sure it was okay to… let go.

        The ache in Kara’s chest was horrible. She peeled her face from where it had been pressed to Mon-El’s chest, and looked in horror at what she’d done to his clothes.

        “Um, I think I may have ruined your…” Not meeting his eyes, she gestured at the mess she’d made of his Legion hoodie, and with a watery laugh pulled her sweater sleeve over her hand and began swiping at the mess, dabbing and blotting in the most ineffective way possible, and definitely _not_ looking at Mon-El, who she could feel looking at _her_.

        Mon-El grabbed her hand and held it still for a moment, then placed it over his heart. Kara could feel his heartbeat, still beating more rapidly than normal, but it was strong and sure and somehow, comforting.

        “Kara, look at me.”

        She peered up at him through wet lashes and could see his face was still flushed and his lips were, well…

         _Ravaged,_ she thought with some satisfaction, and it made her feel a tiny bit better. A very small bit.

        She could tell he was finding it difficult to calm down after all... you know...  _that_... and a pang of guilt struck her when she remembered how just a few hours ago she had held it together so well, had taken the news that he needed to return to the future so _stoically_ , because of course he did. That’s what heroes do. They sacrifice for the greater good and they don't cry about it. And either do the people they have to leave behind, even if it breaks their heart.

        And, sure, Mon-El hadn't cried _exactly_. They may have both teared up a bit, and he might have sniffled just the once, but they were both mature and heroic and... oh, screw it. It was the worst, most ridiculous goodbye ever in the history of all the goodbyes, and if she was never going to see Mon-El again, she was glad she had a chance to kiss him, to hold him, just one more time.

        "Hey." Mon-El was watching her process everything, a half-smile on his face. His heartbeat was almost back to normal, which she knew not just because she could hear it, but because he still had her hand pressed to his heart.

        "Hey," he repeated, ducking his head and making sure he caught her eyes. "Don't worry about my hoodie, okay? It's seen worse."

        She rolled her eyes at him and made a chuffing sound.

        "No seriously. Like there was this one time... I was teaching the other Legionnaires about Garatta, right? And there was this _really_ slobbery dragon that -- ouch!

        Kara, who had playfully slapped his chest with her free hand, giggled, then sniffled and, with no other option, quickly wiped her nose with her sleeve. _Hey_ , she thought. _Like Mon-El said, he'd definitely seen worse_. 

        She looked at Mon-El, taking in his ruined hoodie, his flushed face, his disheveled hair. She looked at him and felt such an overwhelming rush of love for him it took her breath away.

        But he had to go, and they both knew it, so she took a mental snapshot, a forever memory of the moment, and then gently pulled her hand out of Mon-El's grip. She knew someone had to say something, so she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath to steady her nerves. Because she wanted, no she _needed_ , to make sure he knew how she felt about him. _This_ time she needed to be sure.

        Mon-El, who'd been watching her carefully, suddenly looked a bit ill. His face paled and his half-smile faded as he watched her fold and unfold her arms, finally settling on folded. She noticed he was looking a bit frantic and harried, so she flashed him what she thought to be a bright and cheerful smile.

        "Mon-El," she started, but her voice cracked a little so she started again. "Mon-El, you have to know that I lo--"

        Mon-El yelped "Don't!" and cupped his hand over Kara's mouth, muffling the rest of her declaration. Which was weird and new. Also, a little bit exciting, but she would never _ever_ tell anyone that. Especially not Mon-El. Because did she mention it was weird?

        Mon-El pulled his hand back quickly, like he'd been burned, and held it protectively to his chest. He stared at her, wide-eyed, his mouth open like he wanted to say something but had no idea what he _could_ say.

        Kara pinched her lips together, scrunched her nose, cocked her head and squinted at him curiously, and finally said, "That was... um?"

        "Weird," Mon-El finished for her. "That was just..."

        "Weird, yeah.." Kara said.

        "It was weird," Mon-El said at the same time. Then, "Listen, I, uh, don't know why I did that." He lifted his hand and awkwardly mimed the whole covering-her-mouth thing. "I'm so sor--"

        But he never finished his apology because Kara, with a genuine twinkle in her eye now, quickly stretched out her hand and covered  _his_ mouth.

        Mon-El went totally still for a second, then cocked an eyebrow at Kara and mumbled something under her hand. The effect of his lips and beard rubbing against her palm was warm, and wet, and weird, and totally tickled. "Ew," she giggled as she pulled her hand away, looked at it, then deliberately wiped it off on the front of Mon-El's hoodie, her smug look daring him to say anything. He didn't. "Also, uh,  _what_?"

        Mon-El grinned and Kara noted his coloring was normal again. 

        "I said, 'I totally deserved that'." 

        They both chuckled. Mon-El sobered first and lowered his head, staring intently at his hands. Kara noticed his fingers automatically reaching for the place where his Legion Flight Ring used to be.

        "Kara," he started, his head still bowed, but he was looking up at her through his eyelashes in that way of his that always made her want to grab him and hug him and kiss him and squeeze him tight. "Please don't say..." he paused and scratched his lip, "... _please_ don't say, you know," he gestured vaguely in the air, "what you were going to say." His eyes were fully pleading with her to listen to him, please, just this once.

        Kara huffed a little and propped her hands on her hips. "You don't know what I was going to say," she argued, while quickly trying to think of something else she might have been about to say that was witty and cool didn't include the words _I,_   _love,_ or _you_.

        Mon-El just stared at her, his eyebrows near his hairline.

        She blew out her breath and folded her arms across her chest. "Well, you don't..." she muttered, wondering what the hell she was thinking anyway. _Like I am actually still in love with him_ , she scoffed. _He wishes._

        Mon-El stepped closer to Kara, stared at her solemnly, then reached out, clasped his hands around her upper arms, and gave them a light squeeze. "Kara," he started, his voice low and husky. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Kara," he said again, as he locked eyes with her. "It is taking everything I have, every ounce of strength, every bit of courage, _everything_ I have, to walk away from you." He shook his head, like he was disgusted with his own weakness. "Everything I have," he repeated.

        He released her arms and stepped back a few paces. "And if you say what I _know_ you were about to say..." He cleared his throat, looking away quickly. "If you say, you know, _that_ , I will never leave, Kara. Never." He scratched his chin and finally looked her square in the eyes. "And I need to go back," he whispered, almost exactly the way he'd said it earlier in the day, except this time? This time, unmistakable tears - just a few - were rolling down his cheeks.

        Kara couldn't breathe. _Oh God_ , she thought, _I_ am _actually still totally in love with him_.

        In two quick steps she was in his arms again, hugging him fiercely, tears in her eyes but she didn't let them fall. It was her turn to be the strong one. She pulled back, and with a watery smile she gently wiped away his tears with her thumbs, just like he'd done for her so long ago, the night Jeremiah betrayed them all.

        Mon-El caught her hands and held them to his chest, and in classic Mon-El fashion pressed his forehead to Kara's and whispered, "It's okay."

        Kara half-sobbed, half-giggled.

        Mon-El pulled back and gently kissed her forehead, released her hands, and backed towards the door. Kara watched him go and gave him the bravest, happiest, most supportive smile ever.

        Mon-El pulled a face at her. "Kara, please stop that," he begged, grimacing. "That is the most tragic thing I've ever seen. No, really. Like, ever."

        Kara burst out laughing and swatted her hand in his direction as he continued towards the door. "Mon-El!" she said with mock sternness. "I was _trying_ to be supportive!"

        Mon-El reached the door, turned to grab the handle, then looked back at Kara.

        "You have the ring," he said quietly, holding up his hand and wiggling his bare ring finger at her. "You understand how it works now?"

        Kara - not trusting herself to speak, nope, not even a little bit - nodded.

        He bobbed his head, "Good... good..." He opened the door to go, paused, turned back. "And for the record, that, uh... that thing I didn't want you to say?" He ducked his head for a moment, and Kara could see him swallow hard a few times, apparently struggling to get the words out. Finally, "Me, too," he said huskily, then cleared his throat and added softly, "You know, just for the record."

        Kara nodded again, holding her breath and chanting  _It's okay, it's okay, it's okay_ to herself over and over again as she watched him walk through the door.

        He turned to look at Kara one last time, grinned cheekily, and said, "So long, partner."

        Kara chuckled. "See you later, buddy."

        She could hear him laughing as he walked out the door, down the hallway, and out of her life. Into the future.

        Kara reached into her pocket and wrapped her fingers tightly around the ring she hadn't let out of her sight since Mon-El tossed it to her on the balcony several hours ago.

        And she smiled. A real, genuine, honest-to-Rao smile. Because this time, she knew that his leaving wasn't an ending.

        It was just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really REALLY wanted to put this out there because it was amazingly cathartic to write. I've been struggling for several months with the frustration and anger I've held inside since the season 3 finale, and I have to say, writing this? Well, it felt GOOD. It felt right. It felt a lot more real than what we got, and I wish the show would have had the guts to go there.
> 
> I am still writing the chapter about the conversation Kara and Mon-El had, about Imra, about his marriage, about Argo, about the Legion ring and how it really works, and about their real, actual, genuine feelings about leaving each other again. None of this poorly edited nonsense we got. [edited to add: Chapters 2-4? DONE!]
> 
> And absolutely, 100 percent NOT the end of their story. For Karamel, it's just the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Kara and Mon-El should have been able to have a proper parting. I mean, not even a handshake? That’s all their relationship was worth? Mon-El literally tossing a ring at Kara? A quick nod goodbye? It's just not realistic. 
> 
> Bottom line: If they always knew Chris was leaving after 2 seasons, then they wrote a really stupid storyline for him. 
> 
> They had no reason to bring Mon-El back. Kara was already healing, so all his return did was stir up pointless drama and make both characters frustrated and miserable. And then Mon-El went back to the future, still frustrated and miserable. And Kara was just like, whatever? Nope. Sorry. That makes no kind of sense in any universe. Because they essentially threw away two seasons of epic romance and relationship-building in less than 2 minutes and that is terrible, terrible writing.
> 
> So I'm fixing it for them. Because I could never live with myself if I didn't.
> 
> (I'm considering writing a missing scene for every episode of season 4, to tie in Kara and Mon-El's still evolving relationship. Because in my version of the story, they've been keeping in touch since the day he, Winn, and the rest of the Legion flew back to the future. Nothing else makes sense.)


End file.
